Again, not going to fill you in on all the deets with Tyson, but you can go here to find out what's going on.
I took a break from Facebook last week so no one could pressure me into going back to work and/or jumping into "normal" life. I needed time to heal my heart, to rest, to reflect and to move on. I also needed time to worry with out anyone telling me to not. One of my therapist told me once that if you are going to worry, let yourself. Don't dwell on it, but don't try to push it away either. Truth be told, I needed to sit back and watch everything to see what was going to happen. I needed to learn how to be comfortable again, but I needed to let myself be cautious.
Ty had an alright week with a couple bouts of anxiety. However, yesterday we had a very rough day and he says he is "sad" and "not all better" anymore. My husband and I are looking into having him be under psychiatric care indefinitely. We need someone to go to, someone to help us past this, someone to rely on if it does happen again...and someone to be there to help our sweet baby boy while he feels helpless because of the lasting effects from that mother fucking drug that could have permanently damage him. (Excuse my language, I'm pretty angry!)
Having dealt with severe depression and anxiety myself, I know what my son is feeling. I know that he is so frustrated that he is feeling so low. I know that he wants so badly to be happy. I know that life seems so unbearable right now for him. I know that he feels like it's not going to end. I have been there...and I cannot tell you how much it hurts to know my son is there right now. My heart is breaking for him, because I also know that nothing can pull you out of that except for time. "Ride the wave," my therapist would say, "You know it will end, as it always has before. Just trust it will again." How do I get my toddler son to understand that?
I just paused to cry a little bit. My husband came over to comfort me. His words, "I know you know what he is feeling right now. No one knows it better than you. That's why God blessed him with you as his mother. He needs someone to understand how it feels."
PS I miss my wit and charm post. The levity in life....
Taylor, your husband is right. I also know that terrible place and it makes me so very sad that you have to watch your son go through this. I am praying for you and your family and am trying to spread the word as much as possible about that horrible drug. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI have been so in awe of you through all of this. You are an amazing person and parent and I hope you never, ever doubt it!
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling so helpless when you were admitted to Pine Rest because I wanted to be able to "fix" you and I couldn't. I am so very sorry you and Ty (and Luke and the kids) have to go through this. You are not alone. And Tyson does have a mommy who understands and knows the ropes. . .so to speak. I was looking for the blessing in all of this. That's a good place to start. There's more blessings to come. . .I'm sure of that. Ya Yuh!!
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