Life is good!

I haven't written in a long while.  I realized that I was complaining a ton, and I was being really negative.  I was using my blog as an outlet to not engage in therapy, and therefore setting myself back.  So I put blogging aside and dealt with life.

I'm happy to say, I am doing very well!  Yesterday, both my therapist and my psychiatrist agreed that I am well enough to discontinue treatment there.  My medications are now going to be handled by my primary care physician.  I've graduated from the DBT program, and am now ready and confident to step out into my life without their safety ropes.

In the last 14 years, since being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I have had three therapist/psychiatrist teams release my care to my regular doctor.  But this is the first time that I feel confident in their decision to do so.  I feel good, I feel capable.  I can do this.

So that's where I am...life is still very busy...

Tyson had his surgery to fix his neck in April...
School ended at the end of May, which meant I got to go on a bunch of field trips...
I decided to specialize in only newborn portraiture for my photography company and I couldn't be happier...
Ty is doing OT, PT, and ST twice a week...
And we will begin the intensive feeding program on July 10th...
I went to San Francisco to visit my sister and do her maternity photos...
And I get to go back when my nephew is born any day now!
Our family is working on our summer bucket list and having a blast doing all the fun things together...
Annie is currently at summer camp...
Jaxon's meds are working really well for him...
Cooper is still an evil genius...

Life is good! :-)

Of course there are always things that I will instinctively want to be better, but I can't focus on that.  I need to focus on the good and be grateful for what I have.  I'm one lucky lady to have Luke, the kids, family, friends....  Again, life is good!

So what....

I'm stepping on my soap box again for a moment....  Ahem...

I've seen and heard so many complaints lately.  "Thanksgiving is so commercialized!"  "I can't believe Black Friday is starting on Thanksgiving!"  "Why is anyone playing Christmas music on November 1st?"  "The night before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year?"  Yadda yadda yadda....

Then it goes on to, "What happened to the traditions?"  "Why aren't people being with their family instead of shopping?"  "Thanksgiving is about family and food...."  blah dee blah...

Folks, does this really matter?  Have you not noticed that you don't have to do any of these things if you don't want to?

Who says those who go shopping aren't spending time with their family on a different day?  Or what if those people lost their jobs recently and are just trying to save some money so they can provide a Christmas for their children?  What if the people going out to the bar have moved over a 1000 miles away from home and the bar is the one place for them and their long time friends to commune?

I personally go Black Friday shopping every year.  For one, I enjoy it!  It's exciting and there's this Christmas spirit that just fills you up.  Believe it or not, the lines are very long, but you enjoy that!  You strike up a conversation with them, ask them who they are shopping for and what deals they found, you ask them about their Thanksgiving and what plans they have for Christmas.  There's Christmas music everywhere you go, and hot cocoa, and people laughing.  In all the years that I have gone, I have yet to run into a Grinch that is out to kill people for that deal.  And anyone that does look negative during that day, they immediately brighten up when you talk to them and remind them who they are buying their items for.

And two, we can't afford to pay $500 for flat screen TV, so the $188 one at Walmart is perfect for us.  (Although, we aren't getting that because we still can't afford it.)  Our deal seeking goes towards providing our kids with a memorable Christmas that we can afford and still have money to pay medical bills, buy food, have heat in our house, etc.  Is it so wrong that we take advantage of these mad rushes and super great discounts?

About the bar night thing, if you think about it, what do people do at the bar besides drink?  They spend time with friends.  Many people return home for the holidays to be with their family, and in doing so, they see friends they haven't seen in years.  So they go out to the bar to be with them and enjoy their company.  Who cares if they get drunk?  Let them enjoy their fellowship.

What are your traditions?  Do you let the ladies cook and let the guys watch football?  Do you eat ham instead of turkey?  Do you shop at the break of dawn?  Do you watch the parade?  Do you put Thanksgiving and Christmas together because most likely you will not have a chance to see your entire family that is spread across the country again for the holidays?  Do you go out for Chinese instead of cooking and catch a movie too?

Do what works for you and remember that what works for other people makes them happy.  And that's all that matters.  Be happy that others are happy that Christmas music is played on the radio starting November 1st, and if you don't like it, change the channel.  Be happy that people who can't afford Christmas are getting great deals for their family, and if you don't like it, don't go shopping.  Be happy that your man is watching football, and if you don't like it, don't watch it.  Be thankful that they are so happy.

That is all....go enjoy your Thanksgiving, no matter how you choose to spend it!

Today sucks...

My day has been rotten thing after another with only one bit of good news.  I'm feeling negative, I'm feeling irritable, I have a head ache, I hate everyone and every thing....

What do we do in this situation?  Practice Positivity!  Normally I would punch anyone in the face for saying this to me.  But I've found it works slightly.  If I just go back and find the little things that were good, then I can get through the rest of the day.  Ready?  Here goes...

• Luke got me a whole slew of chocolate pudding cups.
• It's my sister's birthday and the kids' message in her voicemail of them singing "Happy Birthday" made her smile.
• My mom is coming back from Florida today.  Somehow her being back in Michigan makes everything better.
• Someone asked me about the "LOVE" on my wrist today so I got the opportunity to tell them about TWLOHA.
• I just got $8 added to my PayPal account from a client.
• I got permission to use the local orchard for a family photo shoot next week.
• Ernie is giving me puppy dog eyes.
• I heard a song on the radio that I really liked.
• My new computer mouse came in the mail today and it glows.
• Julie (the therapist) told me she was proud of me even though I felt like a complete failure last week.
• How I Met Your Mother is on tonight, plus Two Broke Girls which I am strangely enjoying quite a bit.
• I booked a senior picture shoot, a newborn shoot, and a family shoot today.
• I have a Kit Kat on my desk right now staring at me.

Did it help?  Yes, my chest doesn't feel so tight, I'm not grinding my teeth, my eyes aren't squinty anymore, and I feel like I can get through the next 7ish hours of the day before I crash in my nice warm bed.

Wanna do it too?  Join me...  All you have to do is look back on your current situation and find the little things that are positive.  It should pull you up out of the negative the slightest bit to help you get through your day.  Add the button below (just copy and paste the code into the html part of your post) so that others join in too!  Feel free to post a link to your page here and view others' so we can all support each other. :-)

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Big Bully

I'm really trying to practice positivity lately.  I look at a negative situation and find something good about it.

This weekend our heat broke so we spent 48 hours in the cold.  We complained about the heat but we also got to spend 2 hours in our bed on Saturday morning with the kids watching cartoons.

My kids have all gone through this illness causing them to miss two days of school.  They mostly felt poopy the first day, but then the second they were back to normal.  The positive?  One on one special days with each child.  Something they rarely get.

I'm having a hard time finding a positive to one thing though.  JJ (age 6) has been being bullied.  At least that's what I feel is the stem of all his outbursts.  When he has an emotional breakdown at school or on the bus, he almost always mentions a certain child or group of children.

This morning we got a phone call about ten minutes after the kids left for the bus stop (which is a block from our house).  The bus driver couldn't get JJ on the bus.  He was laying on the ground crying.  Luke had to go down to the bus stop and pick him up.  One of the moms that frequently accompanies her kids to the bus stop was sitting on the ground with him rubbing his back trying to calm him down.  (Thanks Stacy!)  The bus driver told us that just as she was pulling up she saw Salvador push JJ who then dropped to the ground crying.  Oh Salvador, it's always you...

We got JJ home and talked to him.  He says he hates the bus.  Salvador, Tristan and their sister pick on him...Robert, Gavin and Blake join in...  Coincidentally, all these children, including JJ, are the "trouble makers" on the bus so they sit in the front few seats.  Somehow, they manage to keep being pains in the ass even with these seat assignments.  Probably has something to do with the fact that they are now all able to band together against the weak one.

I can't say that JJ is the saint in all of this.  He has his moments of not being so nice...mostly with his siblings...in fact, I've never really heard about it with other kids.  The thing is JJ is very emotional. He is his mother's son.  When these boys pick on him, they get a rise.  Whether it's tears or anger, they get a reaction.  They get what they want.  From personal experience with this over abundance of emotion, I can tell you that ignoring the bullying is so hard because the tears will just fly.  I could keep myself from flying off the handle in anger, but I could never keep myself from crying.  I think JJ is there too.

Let's think positively...dammit, it's so hard with this.  My son is hurting and I cannot do anything about it.  Positive, positive, positive...I can teach my son (and my other children for that matter) that this is what how feels when we bully others.  I can teach them to stand up for the other child getting picked on.  I can use this opportunity to reinforce my son's good behavior as he didn't fight back.  I can show him that I am also as emotional as he and that's not a bad thing.  I can show him my love (any excuse to do that is fine by me).

One more positive, I can ask you all to teach your kids too.

With all this being said, I ask you to please join this movement: Be More Heroic.  And view this video made by them using Foster the People's "Pumped Up Kicks".  It's poignant!  It's amazing what one person can do.

Thankful for the Little Things

Every November, Facebook turns into one big lovefest.  It's the "in thing" to post each day with something you are thankful for.  Last year, I wrote a letter each day to those I wanted to show appreciation to and posted them as notes on Facebook for all to read.  I got really mushy gushy, sentimental, and intimate, more often than not making myself cry as I was writing them.  I think I quit after like the 15th letter though because I couldn't think of anyone else to include.

Yesterday, November 1st, I saw the "thankful statuses" begin.  First, I was like, "Why are they doing this already?!"  Then I realized what the date was.  I think I was still stuck in my Halloween candy hangover.  Then I got annoyed.  I swear I see the same things over and over again..."Today I am thankful for my family"...."Today I am thankful for my job"....  Yes yes, these are all valid things to be thankful for, but I'm bored.  Have yah'll noticed how easily I get bored?

I kind of jokingly put up this status so I could join in and be one of the cool people:

I'm thankful that Luke's mom made him get a new pillow today. *shutter* *gag* Throwing that old one away! ;)

I was just being a smart ass, but it got me thinkin'.  We should be thankful for little things too, right?  When I'm having a shitty day and I think, "EVERYTHING today has gone wrong," I rewind and take a moment to think of some things that went right.  Sometimes its the smallest of things, "I had a 5 minute shower before my kids came screeching into the bathroom"..."I got a handful of M&M's today"...."I didn't get any bills in the mail"..."A line on Phineas and Ferb made me laugh"....  These little things bring me out of that mood where I think everything went wrong so then everything from that point on is met with contention and therefore does, in fact, go wrong.  The little things are important!

So although I am thankful for my kids, my husband, my parents, my in-laws, my friends, my ability to eat and be sheltered, etc, I'm also thankful for the little things like:

• yarn
• jammies and slippers
• Nutella (thanks to Carrie for bringing that up this morning)
• cartoons
• Pandora Radio
• the wooden swing in our backyard
• sharpie markers
• the smell of campfires
• Halloween costumes for my dogs
• super hot bubbly baths
• new undies
• Geico commercials
• postcards from Sally and Sophia
• really strong magnets on my fridge
• Spider Solitaire
• sweet tea
• surprise pictures of my bestie's Caden with the message, "Happy Wednesday"
• sneeze farts (What?! They just make me laugh!)
• Ernie's tail
• pretty painted toenails
• my big fuzzy brown blanket
• Jason Mraz, John Mayer, and Michael Buble
• the fact that FB has a pirate language setting
• flip flops

Go on, go make a list of your own!  It will make you smile and appreciate everyday stuff on a day that you thought was all wrong.