Anyway, it was pure Hell. I watched my baby boy getting tortured inwardly without any rhyme or reason. And now that we know the reason, I should feel a huge sigh of relief right? Not so much...
I'm so angry. And I cannot let that go. How could a doctor not know that this is a side effect and prescribe this to a child?
Beyond that though, I'm so incredibly cautious. Tyson went to bed tonight, in his own bed, all by himself. And I do not feel comfortable without him in my eye sight.
I'm keeping Tyson with me for the rest of this week. I'm planning on taking him in to school Monday and Tuesday for a little bit each morning, and I'm staying with him. Wednesday I may bring him in for longer, and Thursday maybe the whole day, but I'm going to be with him.
I've been asked to do a couple photo shoots this week. I mean, I should work, right? My husband is going back to work and my mom is going back. So I should, right? I know that my clients are fully understanding and would not take offense if I just say "no". But I feel like "normal" is being pushed on me all of a sudden.
I just can't go from the depths of Hell right back into every day life so easily. I'm scared...and I'm kind of angry at people thinking I can just slip right back into the norm. Can you blame me? I almost lost the happy, healthy son that I have fought so hard to keep alive and to let thrive. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I've been in an epic battle with my faith. I just don't know where to go next.
Now look at this face and tell me you could leave his side after something so scary...
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| My boy is back! |
Taylor, your feelings are what they are.. they are not wrong in ANY way. Of course it is completely understandable to not want to leave your precious son who you felt you were losing. And people are not like light switches that you can just turn off and on from MAJOR traumatic events and bad feelings to "Normal days" and happy feelings. Give yourself time.. I am angry for you also and am spreading the word to everyone I know about the side effects. Whatever you do.. try as hard as you can not to beat yourself up. If you're angry.. be angry.. if you're feeling you need to be with him all week.. so be it! Take care of yourself and know it's okay to have a mixed bag of emotions after what you've been through. LOVE YOU!
ReplyDelete<3 Mandy
We lost Daniel on the air force base for like 45 minutes last Wednesday, and it took me a couple of days before I didn't panic every time he wasn't in my sight. What you went through is so much worse. Nurse your feelings if you need to. It's probably important to get back to routines too, but not if it's going to make you very anxious.
ReplyDeleteYou are a mom first, and I know you will do what is best for you and your family. Don't feel guilty for putting your family first. You've had a horribly difficult week, do what you need to to make sure that you and Tyson are comfortable before you go back full swing into normal. You both deserve it after the week you've had! *hugs*
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