Running In Sand

I often post a blog and then think about it a while afterwards getting angry with myself for being so negative.  I'm a complainer, this is fact.  I'm not going to deny it.  Anyone who ever says they do not complain is a big fat liar!  But I don't want to be a Debby Downer and find the bad in everything.  I've been working on catching myself when I am complaining to analyze what it really is I am complaining about and if it's worth it.  I've been failing lately.  I think with all of the hospital admissions, illnesses, and down right scary shit that has happened since late April, I've gotten tired and am not trying so hard.  Here's my calling myself out..I'm going to try harder.

Life has been hard lately.  I can fill this blog with the negative.  I can tell you everything that has gone wrong in the last 2 months.  I can tell you every step forward we have taken coupled with every two steps back we have had to take.  I can tell you about stupid people, clothes that don't fit, my damn dog who thinks he's a goat named Houdini...Oh I could go on.  But I want to spin it around to see the positive....

I often feel like I'm running in sand.  I feel like I'm running with all my might and I'm just not getting anywhere.  I feel so tired, and yet my efforts don't seem to have gotten me anywhere. 

But Tyson's physical therapist made me remember something about running in sand.  She said it's an excellent exercise to build up muscle in Ty's legs.  I laughed and said, "But he won't get anywhere."  She said, "Yes he will.  When you take him out of the sand and on to the land, he will be stronger and be able to move more confidently."  Aw, the wise things people say without knowing it.

My analogy is different in the fact that Tyson is making his legs stronger, but I am making ME stronger.  Yes, life has been hard.  Well, beyond hard...more like hellish...for the last few months.  But everything I weather is making me stronger.  No one ever sees them self as strong when going through the storm, but afterwards you are like, "Wow, I did that!  I'm proud of me."  And then the next time a storm comes around you remember that feeling and you push through it.  You remember you have done it and that you CAN do it, and then you have done it again.  I can do this.  I CAN do this.