Vulnerable

"What are your vulnerabilities?" Julie (the therapist) says.  She knew I was emotional this morning as soon as she saw me, and by the looks of my diary card (this sheet of paper I have to fill out for therapy recounting my week and emotions) she quickly knew she was right.  I said I was emotional and don't know why.  She said there's always a reason...and we had to look at my "vulnerabilities"...

1.  Last week was packed full of stuff.  I was tired, slightly overwhelmed, running all over the world...
2.  I had cramps on Thursday which indicates my period is coming within the week.
3.  I ate like crap.  I was so busy and ate on the run a lot...or didn't eat at all.
4.  Annie left for a week long stay at Eric's (this always tips me off).
5.  My sleep was kind of screwy because of all the activity and the bike rides and walking (you're not hearing things.  I did actually start exercising.).

In short, I was tired, hungry, in pain/pmsing, overwhelmed, overly busy, and sad about Annie leaving again.  So I guess my "emotional-ness" was understandable.

Sadly, I can't kick this funk.  Let's see, I think this started on Wednesday evening, maybe it was Thursday.  Five days later, I'm still feeling poopy.  Just kind of dragging my feet.  "A year ago" (which is my go-to phrase meaning pre-DBT), I would be retreating to my bed until this subsided.  But I'm not doing that.  I'm trying to balance out getting the rest I need and getting too much rest/giving in to this.  I've noticed I'm kind of moping around a little bit though.

After therapy this morning, I visited the kangaroos at Anderson and Girls Orchard.  I do this at least once a week and I think they are starting to know who I am. More often than not, I usually just stop in and look at them for about 10-15 minutes, then go visit the baby goats.  Today, I think I needed a friend that wanted me there and would just listen to me even if I didn't say anything.  Papa kangaroo saw me sit next to the cage on the outside and hopped right over to me.  I put my hands through the cage as I do all the time and rubbed his neck and behind his ears.  Then I sat back thinking he was going to go off and do something else like he normally does.  But he didn't.  He sat there looking at me.  He put his nose through the fence.  He told me in no words at all that he loved me and was there to make me feel better.

It's a proven fact that petting an animal actually calms you and is quite therapeutic.  I sat with him for about a half hour just rubbing his back, neck, ears, and face.  He kissed my hands and I cried a little.   I needed that.  I know I have many people that love me, but this was one of those unconditional, complete "I love you" moments.  One of those, "I'm here for you and no one else" moments.

Animals are amazing.  They sense when we don't feel "right".  And they have this innate ability to know exactly what you need to feel better, even if it is just ever-so-slightly better.