Public Service Announcement

Parents,

As a mother with a child with special needs, I want you to teach your children that they shouldn't be afraid of him or anyone like him. They don't have to stare at him and whisper to their sibling or parent about his trach. They can come right up to him (or me) and say, "What is that?"  Tyson loves to tell other kids, "That's my trach!"  Then he will usually do a dance and be happy he made a friend.

Further...

Teach them to walk up to a boy with down syndrome and make friends.

Teach them to give a high five to the kid in the wheel chair and ask if he can do wheelies.

Teach them to smile and wave to the little girl with autism.

Teach them to ask to help an aide who is tube feeding another child.

Teach them that even though they are different, they still can be friends, and they do not deserve the stares and whispers.

That is all. Pass it on...

Over and over and over again...

SIX times in one day!!!

Getcha mind outta the gutter!  I'm talking about how many times Tyson has made me watch Cars today.  He's stuck in a bed, hooked up to oxygen and wires and whatnot, and all the kid wants to do is torture mom...er, I mean watch Cars.  This may be the record of how many times I have watch it in one day, but I've seen it so many times before I swear I could sit here and recite the entire thing for you...and do all the facial expressions....and draw all the animation.  In fact, Tyson has watched it so many times, he can even tell you when the singer in one of the songs goes, "Uh".  It's sick.

I used to be a nanny for a 5 year old little boy with big brown eyes and curly blonde hair who was non-verbal autistic.  He watched A Goofy Movie and An Extremely Goofy Movie, the way Ty watches Cars.  He would watch them back to back, and every single time, he would watch it as if it were the first time he ever saw it.  And with both of these little boys (my almost 5 year old now, and my 5 year old Rocky who I watched over 10 years ago), I love just sitting there and watching them during their movie.  The big smiles, the way they anticipate their favorite part, the way they cock their head like the character does.  It's like pure innocent joy.  It's hard for me to say no to him.  And I wish every kid could experience that with such a simple thing.

Now Tyson isn't autistic...or at least his doctors have said that to us several times even though I've asked for testing because he has "autistic tendencies".  He has sensory issues and some social issues (but they think that's because of the medical stuff and developmental delay rather than autism).  There's a few other things that remind me of Rocky though.  The way he holds his hands, the way he walks, the way he tilts his head, he has some ritualistic behaviors.

I'm not worried that my son is autistic.  I loved Rocky for everything that he was (and probably still is even though he's 16 now).  I've worked with several other autistic children as well back in my preschool teaching days.  And I've even considered many times over to go into special education at some point in my life.

The thing is the label.  Do I need a doctor to tell me he's "autistic" because of these tendencies?  Or do I just take them as part of him and react as I would with any autistic child...like they are normal?  Whether autistic or not, a child is a child.  And whether autistic or not, each child is special in their own individual way.  Tyson is special.  And that's all I have to remember.

So bring on Lightnin' McQueen for the 86145th time.

Ty and Mommy....Can you guess what we're watching?

A wise young woman once said...

Earlier today I got an email from one of my good friends with a quote he found from an email I wrote to him in June of 2001 (he found it in his computer archives, good hoarder, huh?).

"Sympathy is annoying, but support is welcome."

So true!  I was far beyond my years....  *pat on back* 

After writing back asking what the email was about, he informed me that I wrote it after a huge break up with my college boyfriend and a major down slide into depression.  Funny how this applies so differently now!

One of the worst things anyone can say to a parent of a special needs child is "I'm sorry" or "You poor thing" or "You have your hands full" or "Bless your soul" or "You're a saint"....  I fully admit this is the first thing that pops into my head when meeting others in predicaments close to mine, and in fact, I said to one of my peer special needs mommas last weekend, "Aren't you a saint?"  I did, however, quickly catch myself after I said it saying, "Don't you hate it when people say that?" and we chatted about how it just kind of comes out.

The fact is that people do not know what to say when they meet special needs children (or anyone with disabilities for that matter).  It's so hard to treat them "normal," I guess.

I'd like people to meet Tyson and ask him about Spiderman, the "guy" he's holding in his hand, or his awesome light-up Cars shoes.  Instead, most people who meet him talk directly to me (as if he has no cognitive ability to know that they are standing in front of them).  Where as when they meet Annie, per se, they ask her questions:  What grade are you in?  What dance classes do you take? Where'd you get that pretty dress?

Because of this, I meet other special needs children and quite often ignore their parent first and talk directly to them.  In fact, when we ran into Tyson's friend and his brothers (2 of the three are on the autism spectrum) at the orchard last weekend, I immediately became best friends with the oldest boy who took me by the hand wanting me to see the goats with him because I talked directly to him. I showed him love and acknowledgement.  I cannot tell you how much the smile on his face and his warm hand in mine filled my heart with joy!  I dare you to do it sometime!

So I'm challenging all special needs parents here to help those outside our loop on how to handle this situation.  I want to know what you think others should say to you when they find out you have a special needs child and what you would like others to say to your child to include them in the world.  Has someone said something profound to you when realizing God blessed you with this special person?  Please share.