Write "LOVE" on your arm...

Many of you have already seen me mention this on Facebook at least 3 times this morning, but it means a lot to me.  Today is To Write Love On Her Arms day.  What does that mean?

• 121 million people worldwide suffer from depression.  (World Health Organization)
• 2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
• Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)
• Depression is NOT discriminate among age, race, gender or class.
• Untreated depression can sometimes lead to self-injury.  Self-injury is also termed self-mutilation, self-harm, or self-abuse.  It can be defined as the deliberate, repetitive, impulsive, non-lethal harming of one's self.
• About 4% of the population has struggled with self-injury.
• The World Health Organizations (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds.
• Mental health disorders are associated with 90% of all cases of suicide.
• Overall, suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death in the US, and the third leading cause of death among young people ages 15-24

Show your support and love to those with mental illness.  If you are reading this, you do, in fact, know and love someone with a mental illness!  (ME!)  Write the word "LOVE" on your arm today (and any other day you choose) to symbolically show your support of those in need.

Prevention is possible!  Help those in need seek treatment, show love and support, erase stigma, DO SOMETHING!

Please Push Me

I often waiver between wanting everyone to do everything for me and wanting to do everything myself.  It's either all or nothing for me.  And it shouldn't be.  I am very capable of doing everything myself, but I shouldn't have to.  At the same time, I shouldn't let anyone do everything for me.  I found out today that I need people to say no to me and to actually tell me I can do it myself.  I need that little push to feel confident enough to do something I am uncomfortable with.

"Make me dinner?"  "No, not tonight, you can do it yourself, here let me show you!"...."The toilet is clogged!  Plunge it for me!" "Nope, I know you hate it, but you can do it!  Try it!"  (Blurgh!)...."I'm overwhelmed trying to pick out clothes to wear today." "You can do it, honey.  I'm not going to pick out your clothes for you.  Start with underwear and move on from there."...."The kids are fighting again!" "Assert yourself and make them listen to you!  You don't want me to have to step in all the time!"

"I'm packing for our family to go to California. I need to get all the kids' clothes for 5 days, activities for the plane and airport, all of Tyson's medical equipment, medications, formula...." "Woah, you don't have to do that all yourself.  How about I get all of Tyson's stuff together while you do the kids' clothes?"...."I need to run to the pharmacy to pick up Ty's meds, I need to get groceries, I need to take Annie to dance and Ernie to puppy preschool, I need to finish crocheting a hat and I need to get props around for the photo shoot I have this weekend." "Let me help you, I'll go grocery shopping, get Ty's meds and take Annie to dance.  You can take Ernie to puppy preschool and be able to get your work done too."

More often than not, I give in when I ask for something to be done for me, or I often have things done for me automatically.  I like this actually.  But it's not healthy.  I'm becoming complacent and dependent in many ways.  On the other hand, I will often take on everything so I can make sure it's done my way or "perfect" in my eyes.  I need to 1) let go and trust others (this also tests my need for perfection), and 2) find things that I can do myself that I have been letting others do for me.  Such a fine balance!  This is going to be a difficult one!

On another note in a similar direction, I often need someone to back me up to boost my confidence.  If I want to do something, but I am scared to death of doing it, I need a cheerleader.  I don't want to depend on anyone like this, but it's so nice to have someone there saying, "Do it!"

For instance....

I've been active on the stage since I was a preteen.  I love taking a character and making them come to life.  I thrive off of a live audience and the thrill of it.  I love everything about theater.  And I'm good at it.  I've graced the stage in many plays with lead and supporting roles receiving raving reviews.  I ace auditions for comedies and dramas walking out knowing I will get a phone call for a part in the show in no time.

However, I'm terrified of musical auditions.  I don't know what it is about musical auditions that make me so much more nervous than an actual show, but I choke at them.  I've lost many roles due to this anxiety.  My throat tightens and I go off key, or I can't belt out my audition piece.  I often get parts in the chorus, and then the director hears me singing aimlessly while painting a backdrop and asks why I didn't sing like that for the auditions, "You would have gotten the lead."  I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me.

It's gotten to the point that I don't audition for musicals anymore.  And sadly, musicals are my very favorite.  Musicals are less like real life with all the singing and dancing.  It's so different than normal life.  It's fun to pretend life is actually like that.

In February, there were auditions for this musical that I really wanted to be in. I love the show, the songs, the plot, the humor, the characters.  It would have been an excellent experience.  Unfortunately, I was really doubting my singing abilities due to my many respiratory illnesses over this winter causing me to develop asthma.  I told myself I wasn't good enough to do it, I wouldn't be cast, I would just be wasting my time.

My mom and I went to closing night of another show at the same place the same day as the final auditions for this musical I wanted to be in.  I talked to the director during intermission, and he said he had a horrible turn out for the auditions the day before and was hoping I would be attending the ones that day.  I sat in turmoil through the rest of the play wanting so badly to go to these auditions.  I argued with myself about why I should do it and why I shouldn't.  In the end, I asked my mom what she thought.  When she answered me with "What ever you think is best," I called Luke asking the same question.  Basically I wanted both of them to say, "Do it!"  I wanted both of them to tell me they had faith in me to try out and enjoy the auditions whether I got a role or not.

Don't get me wrong, both mom and Luke, and all my friends say to me that I am a great actress and singer.  They back me up during months of play practice, they attend my performances (sometimes more than once), they give me bouquets of flowers and shower me with praise.  I love it!  And I do feel very supported.

But I need to be pushed into doing things that I love sometimes.  I need someone to show their confidence in me to help me bring out my confidence in myself.  Geez, that sounds so needy.  But at this point in my life where my self confidence is pretty shot, I need a little support until it's back where it should be.

Did this make sense to any one?  Basically, I'm just trying to tell myself something here, so sorry if you don't get the point. ;-)

(Just so you know, I ended up not auditioning for that play in February, and I admit I regret that choice. I don't know if I would have gotten a part, and I'm actually doubting it since my voice has suffered greatly from the asthma.  But I never would know since I didn't try.)

A wise young woman once said...

Earlier today I got an email from one of my good friends with a quote he found from an email I wrote to him in June of 2001 (he found it in his computer archives, good hoarder, huh?).

"Sympathy is annoying, but support is welcome."

So true!  I was far beyond my years....  *pat on back* 

After writing back asking what the email was about, he informed me that I wrote it after a huge break up with my college boyfriend and a major down slide into depression.  Funny how this applies so differently now!

One of the worst things anyone can say to a parent of a special needs child is "I'm sorry" or "You poor thing" or "You have your hands full" or "Bless your soul" or "You're a saint"....  I fully admit this is the first thing that pops into my head when meeting others in predicaments close to mine, and in fact, I said to one of my peer special needs mommas last weekend, "Aren't you a saint?"  I did, however, quickly catch myself after I said it saying, "Don't you hate it when people say that?" and we chatted about how it just kind of comes out.

The fact is that people do not know what to say when they meet special needs children (or anyone with disabilities for that matter).  It's so hard to treat them "normal," I guess.

I'd like people to meet Tyson and ask him about Spiderman, the "guy" he's holding in his hand, or his awesome light-up Cars shoes.  Instead, most people who meet him talk directly to me (as if he has no cognitive ability to know that they are standing in front of them).  Where as when they meet Annie, per se, they ask her questions:  What grade are you in?  What dance classes do you take? Where'd you get that pretty dress?

Because of this, I meet other special needs children and quite often ignore their parent first and talk directly to them.  In fact, when we ran into Tyson's friend and his brothers (2 of the three are on the autism spectrum) at the orchard last weekend, I immediately became best friends with the oldest boy who took me by the hand wanting me to see the goats with him because I talked directly to him. I showed him love and acknowledgement.  I cannot tell you how much the smile on his face and his warm hand in mine filled my heart with joy!  I dare you to do it sometime!

So I'm challenging all special needs parents here to help those outside our loop on how to handle this situation.  I want to know what you think others should say to you when they find out you have a special needs child and what you would like others to say to your child to include them in the world.  Has someone said something profound to you when realizing God blessed you with this special person?  Please share.