The Rules

On Tuesday, Ty and I leave for Grand Rapids for his intensive feeding program.  We will be living there during the week since he has to be there all day long Monday through Friday.  Luke said this morning that we should make some food rules and both stick to them while I'm away.  So here they are:

1.  No snacking after 7pm.
2.  No fast food during the week except for Subway.
3.  Replace one meal a day with a salad.

Not too hard, right?  I think I can, I think I can...

I hope I can...

I have a hard time with the fast food thing when Tyson has appointments.  I hate cooking, I'm too lazy to do it.  So I tend to just fall back and eat what is made for me.  It's just so easy.  But I have extra motivation this time (besides the 60+ lbs I want to lose).  I need to save money.  I can't just go eat somewhere.  I need to make my own stuff.  I need to stick to it.

Tyson and I will be so busy that I'm pretty sure I won't be snacking much.  I tend to snack when I am bored, so if I am away from food and doing something, I won't eat.  That's the theory anyway.

I can do this!

FMF: Dance

What's an FMF?
Five minute Friday...but I never adhere to five minutes.  I'm a rebel.  It's free writing with no thinking.  Just writing.  TheGypsyMama gives you a word and you just write about it.  Whatever comes to mind...  Ready?


GO!

I just saw Madagascar 3 with my son JJ.  So as soon as I saw the word for this week is DANCE, I sang to myself, "Duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Circus, duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Afro, Afro Circus Afro Circus, Polka Dot, Polka Dot, Afro Circus!"  Then I grinned to myself.  Just the picture of all those bright colors on Marty as he sings this silly song doing a little dance makes me feel like a kid inside...

Then I remembered that during said movie, I did a little dance of my own...I danced clear around my diet (ehem, it's not a diet, it's a way of life).  I had lots of popcorn....and some nachos....and some Mr. Pibb (not diet)...  I swear JJ made me do it!  He forced me down and shoved it down my throat and...

I also had a peanut butter cup earlier today.

BUT in my defense, I did eat a 90% lean burger for lunch with NO BUN!  Woot!

Eh, tomorrow's another day.  I still want that banana split, by the way.

STOP!

For the fun of it though, do a little dance with me:



Wanna do an FMF too?  I'd love to see it so leave the link below!

This is hard...

For the most part today, I didn't snack at all.  I didn't even feel like it.  I had a handful of grape tomatoes sometime in the afternoon, but that was really it besides my meals.

Then the evening rolled around.....

Why oh why does food taunt me in the evening??!!  I was fine all day!  But come 7pm, after dinner, and all I want is to eat.  I really want ice cream!  I want a banana split with hot fudge and caramel and nuts...

I gave in, but only slightly.  I had some kettle corn and a couple Scooby Snacks (cute little dog bone graham crackers).  I'm going to go to bed now though so I am not tempted to do more.

The Goal

Now that I'm feeling better about myself and my medications are on an even keel...and life is going to be hectic for the next couple of months (at least), it's time to take advantage of that and work towards a goal.  It is essential for me to lose weight!  I am at my heaviest, and I am having more problems with my body than ever before from my back to my knees to my feet.  I'm always in pain.  Not to mention, I hate what I look like.  Remember me shopping for a bridesmaids dress for my sister's wedding?  It didn't stop there as I still have to buy clothes and bras every so often, and it's so discouraging to not be able to find things that fit/look good.

So I shall take a journey...and if I use my blog to stay accountable, maybe I will actually do it this time.  I need help though.  Please cheer me on?

First things first, my weight...should I or should I not disclose it?  I suppose full disclosure means fully committing to this...but it's so hard to admit what I have done to myself.  To make myself feel better, I shall remind myself how I got here: having four children and medications causing increased appetites.  There I feel better.  Ok, here goes...

Starting weight:  211 lbs

Now let's make a goal.  Ideally, I would like to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight for Annie (my first child), which is 130.  This happens to be on the higher side of the ideal weight for my height (5'5",113-138 lbs).  BUT realistically, I'm happy with a much healthier 150.  So...

Weight Loss Goal: 61 lbs

How will I do this?

I'm planning on eating a lot more fresh foods instead of pre-processed junk.  Fruits and vegetables are high on my list.  I need to turn to them when I feel like snacking.  One of my new favorites are grape tomatoes.  When I walk into the kitchen feeling like I need a snack, I will typically grab 3 or 4 of them and return to what I am doing happy and proud of myself for choosing a good snack.

Say, "Bye-Bye" to fast food!  Maybe not entirely, but over the last few months I have been taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to get out of my car or make an effort to get food.  I definitely need to cut back quite a bit!

Water water water!  I've always been pretty good at this so it shouldn't be too hard.  I'm choosing to drink water instead of anything else.

Carbs?  Oh carbs, how I love thee!  My sister is diabetic (type 1) and has to constantly watch her carbs.  When I was visiting her a couple weeks ago, I started realizing how many carbs I am constantly eating.  I love bread and pasta and sugar!  This is going to be a hard one, but I need to not have 3 rolls with dinner and stick to one, skip cereals for breakfast and have some eggs, and for God's sake, I do NOT need a Snickers as a reward for eating a salad! This will definitely be my biggest challenge...

Exercise...this is difficult!  Last September, I went to the doctor because my feet were so painful that I could barely walk.  This started about a year earlier.  Turns out I have developed neuromas in both my feet.  Neuromas are nerve tumors in the ball of your foot.  So very painful!  Through the winter, I was wearing sneakers for the most part and they got significantly better, but now that it's summer again and my feet get claustrophobic, I'm back in sandals and flip flops, causing my feet to ache quite a bit.  But regardless of my footwear, if I walk or run a long distance it hurts like hell!  So walking and running are not good for me.  Swimming is my favorite, with biking a close second.  Now the obstacle is getting the time from the kids to go do it.  Maybe I'll tackle food before I start an exercise routine (which will mean the kids will be in school by then, and I will have the time to do it).

Ok, enough rambling about what I am going to do and just do it!

Fat Sucks

Fat Vent: I have a very limited amount of clothes that fit me anymore, although my closet is full. I keep saying I don't want to get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit anymore because someday I will lose this weight that I have gained due to multiple factors ranging from pregnancies to medications to just plain old laziness (most likely caused by depression). But keeping it makes me depressed even more and makes me mad at myself for gaining so much. And somehow my clothes that fit keep getting buried by the clothes that are mocking me by some mysterious and cruel force.

Eat right, exercise, be more confident, accept yourself....bug off. It's so hard when its not really in your hands....

I'm putting all the small(er) clothes together and giving them to my mother-in-law hoping she can sell them this summer at her yard sale or something. Maybe then I can afford some clothes that actually fit me instead of rotating the 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans that do fit.

 Pardon my random and public pity party. It's rare that I do this anymore. But maybe it will make people look at overweight people a little differently.