Naw, not so much. I forgot to weigh myself this morning at the feeding clinic. But Ty get's weighed and measured tomorrow morning, so I'll ask to use the scale myself.
But, I am happy and proud to say, I have been doing very well with my eating. I haven't been following Luke's and my rules to a T, but I'm still doing well. I haven't been snacking during the day as I have been at the clinic. Sure I could eat if I wanted, but I just really haven't felt like snacking. Busy-ness helps with that!
Sooooo...I'll be back tomorrow with my weight. Hopefully it's less than 214....
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Weigh In Wednesday #1
I'm embarrassed to say I am at 214 this morning. 211 to 214?!! How did that happen? Well, I'll tell yah: It's that "time of the month". God's cruel joke to make any woman gain or lose 5 lbs daily. Bah!
Starting Weight: 211 lb
Today's Weight: 214 lb
Goal: 150 lb
64 pounds to go!
Starting Weight: 211 lb
Today's Weight: 214 lb
Goal: 150 lb
64 pounds to go!
Taylor's Rules of Weight Loss 1-7
The rules of the universe should change to make all of these apply. It's only fair!
1. If you can maintain your weight when not doing a thing, then all you have to do to lose weight is either start exercising or start eating better, not both.
2. When you have your period, all bets are off. Your body should know better than to make you restrict your dietary needs during such a stressful time. Eating chocolate is essential to your sanity.
3. Holidays don't count either. Eat, drink, be merry!
4. If you are standing in the kitchen and no one is around to see you eat it, did you really eat it?
5. Eat a candy bar for every pound you lose. You deserve a reward!
6. Fruit flavored candy counts as a fruit serving.
7. Drinks do not contain calories...especially those of the alcohol family.
1. If you can maintain your weight when not doing a thing, then all you have to do to lose weight is either start exercising or start eating better, not both.
2. When you have your period, all bets are off. Your body should know better than to make you restrict your dietary needs during such a stressful time. Eating chocolate is essential to your sanity.
3. Holidays don't count either. Eat, drink, be merry!
4. If you are standing in the kitchen and no one is around to see you eat it, did you really eat it?
5. Eat a candy bar for every pound you lose. You deserve a reward!
6. Fruit flavored candy counts as a fruit serving.
7. Drinks do not contain calories...especially those of the alcohol family.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Goal
Now that I'm feeling better about myself and my medications are on an even keel...and life is going to be hectic for the next couple of months (at least), it's time to take advantage of that and work towards a goal. It is essential for me to lose weight! I am at my heaviest, and I am having more problems with my body than ever before from my back to my knees to my feet. I'm always in pain. Not to mention, I hate what I look like. Remember me shopping for a bridesmaids dress for my sister's wedding? It didn't stop there as I still have to buy clothes and bras every so often, and it's so discouraging to not be able to find things that fit/look good.
So I shall take a journey...and if I use my blog to stay accountable, maybe I will actually do it this time. I need help though. Please cheer me on?
First things first, my weight...should I or should I not disclose it? I suppose full disclosure means fully committing to this...but it's so hard to admit what I have done to myself. To make myself feel better, I shall remind myself how I got here: having four children and medications causing increased appetites. There I feel better. Ok, here goes...
Starting weight: 211 lbs
Now let's make a goal. Ideally, I would like to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight for Annie (my first child), which is 130. This happens to be on the higher side of the ideal weight for my height (5'5",113-138 lbs). BUT realistically, I'm happy with a much healthier 150. So...
Weight Loss Goal: 61 lbs
How will I do this?
I'm planning on eating a lot more fresh foods instead of pre-processed junk. Fruits and vegetables are high on my list. I need to turn to them when I feel like snacking. One of my new favorites are grape tomatoes. When I walk into the kitchen feeling like I need a snack, I will typically grab 3 or 4 of them and return to what I am doing happy and proud of myself for choosing a good snack.
Say, "Bye-Bye" to fast food! Maybe not entirely, but over the last few months I have been taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to get out of my car or make an effort to get food. I definitely need to cut back quite a bit!
Water water water! I've always been pretty good at this so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm choosing to drink water instead of anything else.
Carbs? Oh carbs, how I love thee! My sister is diabetic (type 1) and has to constantly watch her carbs. When I was visiting her a couple weeks ago, I started realizing how many carbs I am constantly eating. I love bread and pasta and sugar! This is going to be a hard one, but I need to not have 3 rolls with dinner and stick to one, skip cereals for breakfast and have some eggs, and for God's sake, I do NOT need a Snickers as a reward for eating a salad! This will definitely be my biggest challenge...
Exercise...this is difficult! Last September, I went to the doctor because my feet were so painful that I could barely walk. This started about a year earlier. Turns out I have developed neuromas in both my feet. Neuromas are nerve tumors in the ball of your foot. So very painful! Through the winter, I was wearing sneakers for the most part and they got significantly better, but now that it's summer again and my feet get claustrophobic, I'm back in sandals and flip flops, causing my feet to ache quite a bit. But regardless of my footwear, if I walk or run a long distance it hurts like hell! So walking and running are not good for me. Swimming is my favorite, with biking a close second. Now the obstacle is getting the time from the kids to go do it. Maybe I'll tackle food before I start an exercise routine (which will mean the kids will be in school by then, and I will have the time to do it).
Ok, enough rambling about what I am going to do and just do it!
So I shall take a journey...and if I use my blog to stay accountable, maybe I will actually do it this time. I need help though. Please cheer me on?
First things first, my weight...should I or should I not disclose it? I suppose full disclosure means fully committing to this...but it's so hard to admit what I have done to myself. To make myself feel better, I shall remind myself how I got here: having four children and medications causing increased appetites. There I feel better. Ok, here goes...
Starting weight: 211 lbs
Now let's make a goal. Ideally, I would like to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight for Annie (my first child), which is 130. This happens to be on the higher side of the ideal weight for my height (5'5",113-138 lbs). BUT realistically, I'm happy with a much healthier 150. So...
Weight Loss Goal: 61 lbs
How will I do this?
I'm planning on eating a lot more fresh foods instead of pre-processed junk. Fruits and vegetables are high on my list. I need to turn to them when I feel like snacking. One of my new favorites are grape tomatoes. When I walk into the kitchen feeling like I need a snack, I will typically grab 3 or 4 of them and return to what I am doing happy and proud of myself for choosing a good snack.
Say, "Bye-Bye" to fast food! Maybe not entirely, but over the last few months I have been taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to get out of my car or make an effort to get food. I definitely need to cut back quite a bit!
Water water water! I've always been pretty good at this so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm choosing to drink water instead of anything else.
Carbs? Oh carbs, how I love thee! My sister is diabetic (type 1) and has to constantly watch her carbs. When I was visiting her a couple weeks ago, I started realizing how many carbs I am constantly eating. I love bread and pasta and sugar! This is going to be a hard one, but I need to not have 3 rolls with dinner and stick to one, skip cereals for breakfast and have some eggs, and for God's sake, I do NOT need a Snickers as a reward for eating a salad! This will definitely be my biggest challenge...
Exercise...this is difficult! Last September, I went to the doctor because my feet were so painful that I could barely walk. This started about a year earlier. Turns out I have developed neuromas in both my feet. Neuromas are nerve tumors in the ball of your foot. So very painful! Through the winter, I was wearing sneakers for the most part and they got significantly better, but now that it's summer again and my feet get claustrophobic, I'm back in sandals and flip flops, causing my feet to ache quite a bit. But regardless of my footwear, if I walk or run a long distance it hurts like hell! So walking and running are not good for me. Swimming is my favorite, with biking a close second. Now the obstacle is getting the time from the kids to go do it. Maybe I'll tackle food before I start an exercise routine (which will mean the kids will be in school by then, and I will have the time to do it).
Ok, enough rambling about what I am going to do and just do it!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Fat Sucks
Fat Vent: I have a very limited amount of clothes that fit me anymore, although my closet is full. I keep saying I don't want to get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit anymore because someday I will lose this weight that I have gained due to multiple factors ranging from pregnancies to medications to just plain old laziness (most likely caused by depression). But keeping it makes me depressed even more and makes me mad at myself for gaining so much. And somehow my clothes that fit keep getting buried by the clothes that are mocking me by some mysterious and cruel force.
Eat right, exercise, be more confident, accept yourself....bug off. It's so hard when its not really in your hands....
I'm putting all the small(er) clothes together and giving them to my mother-in-law hoping she can sell them this summer at her yard sale or something. Maybe then I can afford some clothes that actually fit me instead of rotating the 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans that do fit.
Pardon my random and public pity party. It's rare that I do this anymore. But maybe it will make people look at overweight people a little differently.
Eat right, exercise, be more confident, accept yourself....bug off. It's so hard when its not really in your hands....
I'm putting all the small(er) clothes together and giving them to my mother-in-law hoping she can sell them this summer at her yard sale or something. Maybe then I can afford some clothes that actually fit me instead of rotating the 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans that do fit.
Pardon my random and public pity party. It's rare that I do this anymore. But maybe it will make people look at overweight people a little differently.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
You know you've gained too much weight when....
...you still wear your maternity clothes even though you haven't been pregnant for almost 5 years...and they are even too small.
...you can't cross your legs because your thighs run into each other.
...your boobs spill out of the top of every bra you own.
...your kids tell you that you're the best pillow.
...you wear your husband's clothes more than your own.
I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. But I have a damn good reason for it: freaking bipolar medications. About 2 years ago, I lost 50 pounds on my own! Then I started Seroquel and gained it all back over the next 6 months. My psychiatrist told me that Seroquel blocks the part of the brain that tells you that you are full. So that ravenous feeling I constantly had I can blame on the medication. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
But in all honesty, I love to eat. And the things that are so not good for you are my favorites. I love cheese and bread. I love sweets. I'm an ice cream addict. Fried foods are to die for! Mmmmm burger...... Ok, enough, I'm drooling now.
At the beginning of 2011, Luke and I changed our diets completely by replacing healthier foods for the not so healthy ones. We did pretty well for 2 or 3 weeks, but if we are being truthful with ourselves, the replacements really didn't taste like the real deal that we were constantly craving. We quit the replacements and tried to just eat what we like, just in moderation instead. That took about a week to go out the window. Sigh...I have such horrible will power!
I have this theory that since I maintain the weight I am at (200 lbs) with my normal diet and activity level, that if I change just one of them, I should see results. After all, the first time I lost 50 lbs, all I did was eat better, no exercise changes. We failed miserably at the whole eating thing, so I tried tackling the exercise thing.
I loathe exercise. I've never been one to like it. I mean, even back when I was thin and fit, I was athletic (could kick anyone's butt in a race) and energetic (or manic, one of the two), but I hated actually buckling down and doing anything that was considered exercise. In fact, I studied karate from 11 to 16 (yah, I even have my blackbelt!), and during classes we had to warm up with exercise type stuff (sit ups, push ups, etc). I lazily went through that, and then when we got to the real karate stuff, I was back in full force. Exercise is not fun to me. I don't get the people who are addicted to exercising.
In January, we bought a Wii. I was super excited because I could play games (which were fun) and still be exercising (or at least tricking myself into exercising without even knowing it). We got the Wii Fit bundle, the sports resort games, and Just Dance 2. For a good few weeks, I was doing pretty well. I would commit to at least 30 minutes a day playing the Wii to get myself up and moving (hey, it was better than nothing, which is what I was previously doing). I liked that I was competing against myself in many of the games. Having that drive to beat my last score (or crush anyone else's saved score) was motivating.
But soon I got bored.....and my knees hurt, my left foot was having issues, my back ached. I quit again. How does a fat person exercise when all it does is hurt like hell? I'm getting old. No gray hairs, but damn, my joints hurt. From my knuckles to my shoulders, to each individual vertebrae in my back to my hips, my knees, my ankles...I'm in pain when I do any kind of exercise....even walking to the park and back (which is a block away).
It's an endless cycle...meds caused weight gain, weight gain makes me depressed even though meds are working, try to go off meds to lose weight, get depressed because meds were fixing the depression issues, go back on meds, gain weight back....then add in the more weight I have the more my joints hurt, so I need to lose weight to be able to lighten up on my joints, but to lose weight I need to exercise, and that hurts. AHHHHHH!
Like I said, I'm working on it. No pain, no gain, right? Wait, shouldn't that say, "No pain, no lose?" Anyway, I'm trying.
On another note, I wanted to point out something that I am sure everyone does. Have you ever seen an overweight lady who's clothes are too small and unflattering? And your immediate thought is "Ew, gross!" Right? Let me give you something to think about. Maybe that woman is on medications for bipolar, kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or seizures, or even birth control or steroids for breathing problems and other illnesses, that is causing her to gain weight. Maybe she can't really afford to get a whole new wardrobe because of the weight gain, so she's just trying to make the best of what she has in her closet. Maybe her bigger clothes that she did purchase when she gained weight are all in the laundry so she's wearing what's left. Maybe her child spilled something on the shirt she was wearing earlier that fit her better and she had to grab something else to wear. Maybe her house burned down and the only clothes she has are the things people donated to her. So now do you think, "Ew gross!"? Naw, she seems a little more acceptable, right?
The fact is you do not know everything about anyone, so judging them isn't really fair. And you all like me, right? Well, everything about that woman (except the house burning down) applies to me. So are you thinking, "Ew gross!" still? Just something to think about. :-)
...you can't cross your legs because your thighs run into each other.
...your boobs spill out of the top of every bra you own.
...your kids tell you that you're the best pillow.
...you wear your husband's clothes more than your own.
I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. But I have a damn good reason for it: freaking bipolar medications. About 2 years ago, I lost 50 pounds on my own! Then I started Seroquel and gained it all back over the next 6 months. My psychiatrist told me that Seroquel blocks the part of the brain that tells you that you are full. So that ravenous feeling I constantly had I can blame on the medication. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
But in all honesty, I love to eat. And the things that are so not good for you are my favorites. I love cheese and bread. I love sweets. I'm an ice cream addict. Fried foods are to die for! Mmmmm burger...... Ok, enough, I'm drooling now.
At the beginning of 2011, Luke and I changed our diets completely by replacing healthier foods for the not so healthy ones. We did pretty well for 2 or 3 weeks, but if we are being truthful with ourselves, the replacements really didn't taste like the real deal that we were constantly craving. We quit the replacements and tried to just eat what we like, just in moderation instead. That took about a week to go out the window. Sigh...I have such horrible will power!
I have this theory that since I maintain the weight I am at (200 lbs) with my normal diet and activity level, that if I change just one of them, I should see results. After all, the first time I lost 50 lbs, all I did was eat better, no exercise changes. We failed miserably at the whole eating thing, so I tried tackling the exercise thing.
I loathe exercise. I've never been one to like it. I mean, even back when I was thin and fit, I was athletic (could kick anyone's butt in a race) and energetic (or manic, one of the two), but I hated actually buckling down and doing anything that was considered exercise. In fact, I studied karate from 11 to 16 (yah, I even have my blackbelt!), and during classes we had to warm up with exercise type stuff (sit ups, push ups, etc). I lazily went through that, and then when we got to the real karate stuff, I was back in full force. Exercise is not fun to me. I don't get the people who are addicted to exercising.
In January, we bought a Wii. I was super excited because I could play games (which were fun) and still be exercising (or at least tricking myself into exercising without even knowing it). We got the Wii Fit bundle, the sports resort games, and Just Dance 2. For a good few weeks, I was doing pretty well. I would commit to at least 30 minutes a day playing the Wii to get myself up and moving (hey, it was better than nothing, which is what I was previously doing). I liked that I was competing against myself in many of the games. Having that drive to beat my last score (or crush anyone else's saved score) was motivating.
But soon I got bored.....and my knees hurt, my left foot was having issues, my back ached. I quit again. How does a fat person exercise when all it does is hurt like hell? I'm getting old. No gray hairs, but damn, my joints hurt. From my knuckles to my shoulders, to each individual vertebrae in my back to my hips, my knees, my ankles...I'm in pain when I do any kind of exercise....even walking to the park and back (which is a block away).
It's an endless cycle...meds caused weight gain, weight gain makes me depressed even though meds are working, try to go off meds to lose weight, get depressed because meds were fixing the depression issues, go back on meds, gain weight back....then add in the more weight I have the more my joints hurt, so I need to lose weight to be able to lighten up on my joints, but to lose weight I need to exercise, and that hurts. AHHHHHH!
Like I said, I'm working on it. No pain, no gain, right? Wait, shouldn't that say, "No pain, no lose?" Anyway, I'm trying.
On another note, I wanted to point out something that I am sure everyone does. Have you ever seen an overweight lady who's clothes are too small and unflattering? And your immediate thought is "Ew, gross!" Right? Let me give you something to think about. Maybe that woman is on medications for bipolar, kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or seizures, or even birth control or steroids for breathing problems and other illnesses, that is causing her to gain weight. Maybe she can't really afford to get a whole new wardrobe because of the weight gain, so she's just trying to make the best of what she has in her closet. Maybe her bigger clothes that she did purchase when she gained weight are all in the laundry so she's wearing what's left. Maybe her child spilled something on the shirt she was wearing earlier that fit her better and she had to grab something else to wear. Maybe her house burned down and the only clothes she has are the things people donated to her. So now do you think, "Ew gross!"? Naw, she seems a little more acceptable, right?
The fact is you do not know everything about anyone, so judging them isn't really fair. And you all like me, right? Well, everything about that woman (except the house burning down) applies to me. So are you thinking, "Ew gross!" still? Just something to think about. :-)
Friday, April 22, 2011
Bridesmaids should wear jammie pants and tank tops!
That's it! I'm starting a new trend! Bridesmaids from now on will where pajama pants and tank tops...maybe even big fluffy bunny slippers. That way all the attention will be put on the bride...the beautiful glowing bride who spent hundreds to thousands of dollars on her gown, hair, make-up, flowers, etc. Why should a bridesmaid get a schnazzed up? It's the bride's day. All the attention should be on her.
Ok ok, truth be told, I want to dress up and be all fancy. I want to have my hair done, use my contacts instead of my glasses, get fake nails, have someone else do my make-up, and wear a pretty pretty princess gown. It's just such a freaking horrific chore for fat girls to find dresses!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, my mom, my friend Angie, and I went to a bridesmaids dress store in Fowler called Becker's. Before I go on, I should mention that we all think Becker's is trying to take over that itty bitty town as there's Becker's Bridal, Becker's Formal, Becker's Mens, and Becker's Furniture. We were actually quite disappointed that there was no Becker's Bar and Grill. After all, every woman needs a good stiff drink after trying on bridesmaid dresses.
Angie and I are the same build...probably about the same weight. My boobs are a lil bit bigger, but that's only because she had a reduction (lucky!). Both of us fit right in between a 16 and an 18. We also have very similar personalities. So although I knew the whole dress thing was gonna suck, I knew I would be laughing through the whole thing.
We start picking through the dresses and realize that every single one is size 10. "Sample size", as the ladies there called it. I call it "Make-you-feel-like-meat-stuffed-in-sausage-casing size". Yes, that is more suiting. Regardless, we wanted to try to find something...or maybe we just wanted a good laugh. So we pulled a bunch of dresses. Me with 16, Ang with like 4 (maybe). What Angie didn't know is that mom and I are pros at this now. I can get in and out of a dress in 6 seconds flat. Well...I can if it doesn't put my boobs in jail that is.
I've decided that if I ever want to dress just one of my boobs, I will purchase a size 10. Or one of my thighs...Or if I feel like trying to suck in my hips (I've tried it, bones are stubborn buggers). After just 45 minutes of trying on dresses we both gave up. However, we laughed a whole bunch. Angie and my mom stood outside of the dressing room saying they were going to record my grunts and curses while the dresses got caught on my boobs or my back sweat (you try to get in and out of a dress 6 sizes too small and do it without sweating), wouldn't fit over my hips, made my tummy look like I was 6 months pregnant...and while I made at least two zippers bust.
We walked out with one of the sales women (wearing less than a size 6, mind you) following after us saying, "Did you find everything ok?" "Well, ma'am, I couldn't find anything that fit my big toe, so *shrug* can't tell what they would look like on me if they were in my size." Her reply, "The companies only send us 10 for the samples." My retort, "Tell those companies to send you 10 and 20, that way skinny minnies can try on dresses, and us big girls, which there are more of, will be able to as well. You'll probably sell more!" Ta ta!
Off to lunch and some chit chat among friends. I love Angie. I wish I saw her more often. When she got up to visit the ladies' room, mom said, "She's just like you!" This is so true. She really made me feel so much better about dress shopping. In fact, as mom and I went on to Lansing, and Angie returned home to be with her kids while her hubby went to a doctor's appointment, I lamented that she should be with me. She would keep me grounded. She would make it fun. She would make me feel less crappy about myself. Alas, it wasn't so...onward to more self-esteem crushing!
Mom and I went to Lett's in Lansing next. We pulled about 10 dresses amongst the two of us, and anything I couldn't pull up over my hips or down over my boobs got immediately tossed. I'm pretty sure we got through those dresses in 10 minutes. I actually found one I really liked. It was quite similar to the one I liked at David's Bridal the last time we went shopping. It had thick enough straps that I could wear a normal bra and feel like my boobs were secure. It hid my spare tire and love handles. I felt pretty.
We took the dress out to this young sales chick (I can't even call her a woman!) and asked to how long it would take to order. She looked it up and it would be in by the end of June. So I asked for her to take my measurements to see what size I would need. If I wanted to go with that dress, then my mom, who works in Lansing, which is over an hour drive and about $38566 in gas to get there, would be able to come in and order it after we shopped around at other stores. "We only measure if you are ordering." And the little, young, sassy snot said it so smugly. I wanted to punch her in the face. Instead, we walked out without another word. I don't have time, patience, or the money to return to the store again to order.
I decided then that the one from David's Bridal was, in fact, the one, so we went off to the DB in Okemos to check it out again and see what size I would need. We easily found the one in both 16 and 18, of course they were in the wrong color, but that's ok, just trying it on for the size. I put the 16 on first, and remarkably, it fit me PERFECTLY! How about that for a confidence booster??? We grabbed the "consultant" (really, she was just my lacky-bitch, so why give her a cool title like that?) and told her to go figure out how long it would take to get in. Now, when we were at DB two weeks ago they said 8 weeks. When the lacky came back and said, "August", I almost shanked her. My sister's wedding is on July 31. I finally found the one dress that makes me feel pretty and confident and you are telling me it's going to take 4 months to get it??!! This right after she says to us that the color we are wanting to get is a popular color and they make a lot of them so it shouldn't take more than 8 weeks at the most.
I felt hopeless. First, I can't find anything that looks good on me, then I get told that the one that I actually like isn't possible. My mom thought systematically constructing logistical ways to get it. Where as I fell apart. I just felt like giving up, and I seriously thought about telling my sister just to ask one of her skinny friends to be in her wedding and I would just be the most awesomest photographer in the world for her. I tried to complain, I tried to whine. Mom put her foot down and said, "I will get it!"
To take my mind of off it, we went to Hobby Lobby. I love crocheting and have been trying to figure out how to make bunny ears on a hat stand upright, so I needed to find something to use for that. But upon walking into the store, I was smacked in the face with a plethora of affordable photography props! I was drooling, I think. Mom wandered off to look for something as I walked up and down the aisles picking out things I wanted to put newborn babies in! Success! On a day of craptastic unsuccessful shopping, I found something to be successful about! I walked out of that store with a large terra cotta pot, a little vintage looking treasure chest, the stuff I needed to make the ears stick up and a large foam board to use as a light reflector for studio use...and it was only $18!!!! I'll be visiting that store again!
Alright, so, I'm feeling a little better and my sister calls. She called a DB to ask if there is a way at all for us to get the dress. They looked on the database to find what stores have F14050 in size 16 in the color of Lapis on the rack. ONE dress in this nationwide franchise is available on the rack only in Colorado. I felt a little better. They could pull the dress and ship it to me. Then they popped my bubble....turns out the dress was not on the rack at all. I seriously wanted to tell the lady to go raid all the dresses the potential bridesmaids there were trying on. Search, Woman! Search! You have no idea what this dress means to me!!!!
What's next? Well, maybe we could find it one size bigger and then have it taken in. We had them look in the database again, and there were TWO! And guess what? It's going to be in my hands on Wednesday! THE dress, THE color...just one size too big, but we can work with that.
Are you cheering yet? Through all this torture and pain, I finally found one. And I WILL feel beautiful on my sister's wedding day. I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is!
Ok ok, truth be told, I want to dress up and be all fancy. I want to have my hair done, use my contacts instead of my glasses, get fake nails, have someone else do my make-up, and wear a pretty pretty princess gown. It's just such a freaking horrific chore for fat girls to find dresses!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, my mom, my friend Angie, and I went to a bridesmaids dress store in Fowler called Becker's. Before I go on, I should mention that we all think Becker's is trying to take over that itty bitty town as there's Becker's Bridal, Becker's Formal, Becker's Mens, and Becker's Furniture. We were actually quite disappointed that there was no Becker's Bar and Grill. After all, every woman needs a good stiff drink after trying on bridesmaid dresses.
Angie and I are the same build...probably about the same weight. My boobs are a lil bit bigger, but that's only because she had a reduction (lucky!). Both of us fit right in between a 16 and an 18. We also have very similar personalities. So although I knew the whole dress thing was gonna suck, I knew I would be laughing through the whole thing.
We start picking through the dresses and realize that every single one is size 10. "Sample size", as the ladies there called it. I call it "Make-you-feel-like-meat-stuffed-in-sausage-casing size". Yes, that is more suiting. Regardless, we wanted to try to find something...or maybe we just wanted a good laugh. So we pulled a bunch of dresses. Me with 16, Ang with like 4 (maybe). What Angie didn't know is that mom and I are pros at this now. I can get in and out of a dress in 6 seconds flat. Well...I can if it doesn't put my boobs in jail that is.
I've decided that if I ever want to dress just one of my boobs, I will purchase a size 10. Or one of my thighs...Or if I feel like trying to suck in my hips (I've tried it, bones are stubborn buggers). After just 45 minutes of trying on dresses we both gave up. However, we laughed a whole bunch. Angie and my mom stood outside of the dressing room saying they were going to record my grunts and curses while the dresses got caught on my boobs or my back sweat (you try to get in and out of a dress 6 sizes too small and do it without sweating), wouldn't fit over my hips, made my tummy look like I was 6 months pregnant...and while I made at least two zippers bust.
We walked out with one of the sales women (wearing less than a size 6, mind you) following after us saying, "Did you find everything ok?" "Well, ma'am, I couldn't find anything that fit my big toe, so *shrug* can't tell what they would look like on me if they were in my size." Her reply, "The companies only send us 10 for the samples." My retort, "Tell those companies to send you 10 and 20, that way skinny minnies can try on dresses, and us big girls, which there are more of, will be able to as well. You'll probably sell more!" Ta ta!
Off to lunch and some chit chat among friends. I love Angie. I wish I saw her more often. When she got up to visit the ladies' room, mom said, "She's just like you!" This is so true. She really made me feel so much better about dress shopping. In fact, as mom and I went on to Lansing, and Angie returned home to be with her kids while her hubby went to a doctor's appointment, I lamented that she should be with me. She would keep me grounded. She would make it fun. She would make me feel less crappy about myself. Alas, it wasn't so...onward to more self-esteem crushing!
Mom and I went to Lett's in Lansing next. We pulled about 10 dresses amongst the two of us, and anything I couldn't pull up over my hips or down over my boobs got immediately tossed. I'm pretty sure we got through those dresses in 10 minutes. I actually found one I really liked. It was quite similar to the one I liked at David's Bridal the last time we went shopping. It had thick enough straps that I could wear a normal bra and feel like my boobs were secure. It hid my spare tire and love handles. I felt pretty.
We took the dress out to this young sales chick (I can't even call her a woman!) and asked to how long it would take to order. She looked it up and it would be in by the end of June. So I asked for her to take my measurements to see what size I would need. If I wanted to go with that dress, then my mom, who works in Lansing, which is over an hour drive and about $38566 in gas to get there, would be able to come in and order it after we shopped around at other stores. "We only measure if you are ordering." And the little, young, sassy snot said it so smugly. I wanted to punch her in the face. Instead, we walked out without another word. I don't have time, patience, or the money to return to the store again to order.
I decided then that the one from David's Bridal was, in fact, the one, so we went off to the DB in Okemos to check it out again and see what size I would need. We easily found the one in both 16 and 18, of course they were in the wrong color, but that's ok, just trying it on for the size. I put the 16 on first, and remarkably, it fit me PERFECTLY! How about that for a confidence booster??? We grabbed the "consultant" (really, she was just my lacky-bitch, so why give her a cool title like that?) and told her to go figure out how long it would take to get in. Now, when we were at DB two weeks ago they said 8 weeks. When the lacky came back and said, "August", I almost shanked her. My sister's wedding is on July 31. I finally found the one dress that makes me feel pretty and confident and you are telling me it's going to take 4 months to get it??!! This right after she says to us that the color we are wanting to get is a popular color and they make a lot of them so it shouldn't take more than 8 weeks at the most.
I felt hopeless. First, I can't find anything that looks good on me, then I get told that the one that I actually like isn't possible. My mom thought systematically constructing logistical ways to get it. Where as I fell apart. I just felt like giving up, and I seriously thought about telling my sister just to ask one of her skinny friends to be in her wedding and I would just be the most awesomest photographer in the world for her. I tried to complain, I tried to whine. Mom put her foot down and said, "I will get it!"
To take my mind of off it, we went to Hobby Lobby. I love crocheting and have been trying to figure out how to make bunny ears on a hat stand upright, so I needed to find something to use for that. But upon walking into the store, I was smacked in the face with a plethora of affordable photography props! I was drooling, I think. Mom wandered off to look for something as I walked up and down the aisles picking out things I wanted to put newborn babies in! Success! On a day of craptastic unsuccessful shopping, I found something to be successful about! I walked out of that store with a large terra cotta pot, a little vintage looking treasure chest, the stuff I needed to make the ears stick up and a large foam board to use as a light reflector for studio use...and it was only $18!!!! I'll be visiting that store again!
Alright, so, I'm feeling a little better and my sister calls. She called a DB to ask if there is a way at all for us to get the dress. They looked on the database to find what stores have F14050 in size 16 in the color of Lapis on the rack. ONE dress in this nationwide franchise is available on the rack only in Colorado. I felt a little better. They could pull the dress and ship it to me. Then they popped my bubble....turns out the dress was not on the rack at all. I seriously wanted to tell the lady to go raid all the dresses the potential bridesmaids there were trying on. Search, Woman! Search! You have no idea what this dress means to me!!!!
What's next? Well, maybe we could find it one size bigger and then have it taken in. We had them look in the database again, and there were TWO! And guess what? It's going to be in my hands on Wednesday! THE dress, THE color...just one size too big, but we can work with that.
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| Feel free to hate this mini-sized model. I do! |
Are you cheering yet? Through all this torture and pain, I finally found one. And I WILL feel beautiful on my sister's wedding day. I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is!
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