On Tuesday, Ty and I leave for Grand Rapids for his intensive feeding program. We will be living there during the week since he has to be there all day long Monday through Friday. Luke said this morning that we should make some food rules and both stick to them while I'm away. So here they are:
1. No snacking after 7pm.
2. No fast food during the week except for Subway.
3. Replace one meal a day with a salad.
Not too hard, right? I think I can, I think I can...
I hope I can...
I have a hard time with the fast food thing when Tyson has appointments. I hate cooking, I'm too lazy to do it. So I tend to just fall back and eat what is made for me. It's just so easy. But I have extra motivation this time (besides the 60+ lbs I want to lose). I need to save money. I can't just go eat somewhere. I need to make my own stuff. I need to stick to it.
Tyson and I will be so busy that I'm pretty sure I won't be snacking much. I tend to snack when I am bored, so if I am away from food and doing something, I won't eat. That's the theory anyway.
I can do this!
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Weigh In Wednesday #1
I'm embarrassed to say I am at 214 this morning. 211 to 214?!! How did that happen? Well, I'll tell yah: It's that "time of the month". God's cruel joke to make any woman gain or lose 5 lbs daily. Bah!
Starting Weight: 211 lb
Today's Weight: 214 lb
Goal: 150 lb
64 pounds to go!
Starting Weight: 211 lb
Today's Weight: 214 lb
Goal: 150 lb
64 pounds to go!
Taylor's Rules of Weight Loss 1-7
The rules of the universe should change to make all of these apply. It's only fair!
1. If you can maintain your weight when not doing a thing, then all you have to do to lose weight is either start exercising or start eating better, not both.
2. When you have your period, all bets are off. Your body should know better than to make you restrict your dietary needs during such a stressful time. Eating chocolate is essential to your sanity.
3. Holidays don't count either. Eat, drink, be merry!
4. If you are standing in the kitchen and no one is around to see you eat it, did you really eat it?
5. Eat a candy bar for every pound you lose. You deserve a reward!
6. Fruit flavored candy counts as a fruit serving.
7. Drinks do not contain calories...especially those of the alcohol family.
1. If you can maintain your weight when not doing a thing, then all you have to do to lose weight is either start exercising or start eating better, not both.
2. When you have your period, all bets are off. Your body should know better than to make you restrict your dietary needs during such a stressful time. Eating chocolate is essential to your sanity.
3. Holidays don't count either. Eat, drink, be merry!
4. If you are standing in the kitchen and no one is around to see you eat it, did you really eat it?
5. Eat a candy bar for every pound you lose. You deserve a reward!
6. Fruit flavored candy counts as a fruit serving.
7. Drinks do not contain calories...especially those of the alcohol family.
Friday, June 29, 2012
FMF: Dance
What's an FMF?
Five minute Friday...but I never adhere to five minutes. I'm a rebel. It's free writing with no thinking. Just writing. TheGypsyMama gives you a word and you just write about it. Whatever comes to mind... Ready?
GO!
I just saw Madagascar 3 with my son JJ. So as soon as I saw the word for this week is DANCE, I sang to myself, "Duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Circus, duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Afro, Afro Circus Afro Circus, Polka Dot, Polka Dot, Afro Circus!" Then I grinned to myself. Just the picture of all those bright colors on Marty as he sings this silly song doing a little dance makes me feel like a kid inside...
Then I remembered that during said movie, I did a little dance of my own...I danced clear around my diet (ehem, it's not a diet, it's a way of life). I had lots of popcorn....and some nachos....and some Mr. Pibb (not diet)... I swear JJ made me do it! He forced me down and shoved it down my throat and...
I also had a peanut butter cup earlier today.
BUT in my defense, I did eat a 90% lean burger for lunch with NO BUN! Woot!
Eh, tomorrow's another day. I still want that banana split, by the way.
STOP!
For the fun of it though, do a little dance with me:
Wanna do an FMF too? I'd love to see it so leave the link below!
Five minute Friday...but I never adhere to five minutes. I'm a rebel. It's free writing with no thinking. Just writing. TheGypsyMama gives you a word and you just write about it. Whatever comes to mind... Ready?
GO!
I just saw Madagascar 3 with my son JJ. So as soon as I saw the word for this week is DANCE, I sang to myself, "Duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Circus, duh duh da da duh duh duh duh, Afro, Afro Circus Afro Circus, Polka Dot, Polka Dot, Afro Circus!" Then I grinned to myself. Just the picture of all those bright colors on Marty as he sings this silly song doing a little dance makes me feel like a kid inside...
Then I remembered that during said movie, I did a little dance of my own...I danced clear around my diet (ehem, it's not a diet, it's a way of life). I had lots of popcorn....and some nachos....and some Mr. Pibb (not diet)... I swear JJ made me do it! He forced me down and shoved it down my throat and...
I also had a peanut butter cup earlier today.
BUT in my defense, I did eat a 90% lean burger for lunch with NO BUN! Woot!
Eh, tomorrow's another day. I still want that banana split, by the way.
STOP!
For the fun of it though, do a little dance with me:
Wanna do an FMF too? I'd love to see it so leave the link below!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Goal
Now that I'm feeling better about myself and my medications are on an even keel...and life is going to be hectic for the next couple of months (at least), it's time to take advantage of that and work towards a goal. It is essential for me to lose weight! I am at my heaviest, and I am having more problems with my body than ever before from my back to my knees to my feet. I'm always in pain. Not to mention, I hate what I look like. Remember me shopping for a bridesmaids dress for my sister's wedding? It didn't stop there as I still have to buy clothes and bras every so often, and it's so discouraging to not be able to find things that fit/look good.
So I shall take a journey...and if I use my blog to stay accountable, maybe I will actually do it this time. I need help though. Please cheer me on?
First things first, my weight...should I or should I not disclose it? I suppose full disclosure means fully committing to this...but it's so hard to admit what I have done to myself. To make myself feel better, I shall remind myself how I got here: having four children and medications causing increased appetites. There I feel better. Ok, here goes...
Starting weight: 211 lbs
Now let's make a goal. Ideally, I would like to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight for Annie (my first child), which is 130. This happens to be on the higher side of the ideal weight for my height (5'5",113-138 lbs). BUT realistically, I'm happy with a much healthier 150. So...
Weight Loss Goal: 61 lbs
How will I do this?
I'm planning on eating a lot more fresh foods instead of pre-processed junk. Fruits and vegetables are high on my list. I need to turn to them when I feel like snacking. One of my new favorites are grape tomatoes. When I walk into the kitchen feeling like I need a snack, I will typically grab 3 or 4 of them and return to what I am doing happy and proud of myself for choosing a good snack.
Say, "Bye-Bye" to fast food! Maybe not entirely, but over the last few months I have been taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to get out of my car or make an effort to get food. I definitely need to cut back quite a bit!
Water water water! I've always been pretty good at this so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm choosing to drink water instead of anything else.
Carbs? Oh carbs, how I love thee! My sister is diabetic (type 1) and has to constantly watch her carbs. When I was visiting her a couple weeks ago, I started realizing how many carbs I am constantly eating. I love bread and pasta and sugar! This is going to be a hard one, but I need to not have 3 rolls with dinner and stick to one, skip cereals for breakfast and have some eggs, and for God's sake, I do NOT need a Snickers as a reward for eating a salad! This will definitely be my biggest challenge...
Exercise...this is difficult! Last September, I went to the doctor because my feet were so painful that I could barely walk. This started about a year earlier. Turns out I have developed neuromas in both my feet. Neuromas are nerve tumors in the ball of your foot. So very painful! Through the winter, I was wearing sneakers for the most part and they got significantly better, but now that it's summer again and my feet get claustrophobic, I'm back in sandals and flip flops, causing my feet to ache quite a bit. But regardless of my footwear, if I walk or run a long distance it hurts like hell! So walking and running are not good for me. Swimming is my favorite, with biking a close second. Now the obstacle is getting the time from the kids to go do it. Maybe I'll tackle food before I start an exercise routine (which will mean the kids will be in school by then, and I will have the time to do it).
Ok, enough rambling about what I am going to do and just do it!
So I shall take a journey...and if I use my blog to stay accountable, maybe I will actually do it this time. I need help though. Please cheer me on?
First things first, my weight...should I or should I not disclose it? I suppose full disclosure means fully committing to this...but it's so hard to admit what I have done to myself. To make myself feel better, I shall remind myself how I got here: having four children and medications causing increased appetites. There I feel better. Ok, here goes...
Starting weight: 211 lbs
Now let's make a goal. Ideally, I would like to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight for Annie (my first child), which is 130. This happens to be on the higher side of the ideal weight for my height (5'5",113-138 lbs). BUT realistically, I'm happy with a much healthier 150. So...
Weight Loss Goal: 61 lbs
How will I do this?
I'm planning on eating a lot more fresh foods instead of pre-processed junk. Fruits and vegetables are high on my list. I need to turn to them when I feel like snacking. One of my new favorites are grape tomatoes. When I walk into the kitchen feeling like I need a snack, I will typically grab 3 or 4 of them and return to what I am doing happy and proud of myself for choosing a good snack.
Say, "Bye-Bye" to fast food! Maybe not entirely, but over the last few months I have been taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to get out of my car or make an effort to get food. I definitely need to cut back quite a bit!
Water water water! I've always been pretty good at this so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm choosing to drink water instead of anything else.
Carbs? Oh carbs, how I love thee! My sister is diabetic (type 1) and has to constantly watch her carbs. When I was visiting her a couple weeks ago, I started realizing how many carbs I am constantly eating. I love bread and pasta and sugar! This is going to be a hard one, but I need to not have 3 rolls with dinner and stick to one, skip cereals for breakfast and have some eggs, and for God's sake, I do NOT need a Snickers as a reward for eating a salad! This will definitely be my biggest challenge...
Exercise...this is difficult! Last September, I went to the doctor because my feet were so painful that I could barely walk. This started about a year earlier. Turns out I have developed neuromas in both my feet. Neuromas are nerve tumors in the ball of your foot. So very painful! Through the winter, I was wearing sneakers for the most part and they got significantly better, but now that it's summer again and my feet get claustrophobic, I'm back in sandals and flip flops, causing my feet to ache quite a bit. But regardless of my footwear, if I walk or run a long distance it hurts like hell! So walking and running are not good for me. Swimming is my favorite, with biking a close second. Now the obstacle is getting the time from the kids to go do it. Maybe I'll tackle food before I start an exercise routine (which will mean the kids will be in school by then, and I will have the time to do it).
Ok, enough rambling about what I am going to do and just do it!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Fat Sucks
Fat Vent: I have a very limited amount of clothes that fit me anymore, although my closet is full. I keep saying I don't want to get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit anymore because someday I will lose this weight that I have gained due to multiple factors ranging from pregnancies to medications to just plain old laziness (most likely caused by depression). But keeping it makes me depressed even more and makes me mad at myself for gaining so much. And somehow my clothes that fit keep getting buried by the clothes that are mocking me by some mysterious and cruel force.
Eat right, exercise, be more confident, accept yourself....bug off. It's so hard when its not really in your hands....
I'm putting all the small(er) clothes together and giving them to my mother-in-law hoping she can sell them this summer at her yard sale or something. Maybe then I can afford some clothes that actually fit me instead of rotating the 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans that do fit.
Pardon my random and public pity party. It's rare that I do this anymore. But maybe it will make people look at overweight people a little differently.
Eat right, exercise, be more confident, accept yourself....bug off. It's so hard when its not really in your hands....
I'm putting all the small(er) clothes together and giving them to my mother-in-law hoping she can sell them this summer at her yard sale or something. Maybe then I can afford some clothes that actually fit me instead of rotating the 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans that do fit.
Pardon my random and public pity party. It's rare that I do this anymore. But maybe it will make people look at overweight people a little differently.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
You know you've gained too much weight when....
...you still wear your maternity clothes even though you haven't been pregnant for almost 5 years...and they are even too small.
...you can't cross your legs because your thighs run into each other.
...your boobs spill out of the top of every bra you own.
...your kids tell you that you're the best pillow.
...you wear your husband's clothes more than your own.
I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. But I have a damn good reason for it: freaking bipolar medications. About 2 years ago, I lost 50 pounds on my own! Then I started Seroquel and gained it all back over the next 6 months. My psychiatrist told me that Seroquel blocks the part of the brain that tells you that you are full. So that ravenous feeling I constantly had I can blame on the medication. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
But in all honesty, I love to eat. And the things that are so not good for you are my favorites. I love cheese and bread. I love sweets. I'm an ice cream addict. Fried foods are to die for! Mmmmm burger...... Ok, enough, I'm drooling now.
At the beginning of 2011, Luke and I changed our diets completely by replacing healthier foods for the not so healthy ones. We did pretty well for 2 or 3 weeks, but if we are being truthful with ourselves, the replacements really didn't taste like the real deal that we were constantly craving. We quit the replacements and tried to just eat what we like, just in moderation instead. That took about a week to go out the window. Sigh...I have such horrible will power!
I have this theory that since I maintain the weight I am at (200 lbs) with my normal diet and activity level, that if I change just one of them, I should see results. After all, the first time I lost 50 lbs, all I did was eat better, no exercise changes. We failed miserably at the whole eating thing, so I tried tackling the exercise thing.
I loathe exercise. I've never been one to like it. I mean, even back when I was thin and fit, I was athletic (could kick anyone's butt in a race) and energetic (or manic, one of the two), but I hated actually buckling down and doing anything that was considered exercise. In fact, I studied karate from 11 to 16 (yah, I even have my blackbelt!), and during classes we had to warm up with exercise type stuff (sit ups, push ups, etc). I lazily went through that, and then when we got to the real karate stuff, I was back in full force. Exercise is not fun to me. I don't get the people who are addicted to exercising.
In January, we bought a Wii. I was super excited because I could play games (which were fun) and still be exercising (or at least tricking myself into exercising without even knowing it). We got the Wii Fit bundle, the sports resort games, and Just Dance 2. For a good few weeks, I was doing pretty well. I would commit to at least 30 minutes a day playing the Wii to get myself up and moving (hey, it was better than nothing, which is what I was previously doing). I liked that I was competing against myself in many of the games. Having that drive to beat my last score (or crush anyone else's saved score) was motivating.
But soon I got bored.....and my knees hurt, my left foot was having issues, my back ached. I quit again. How does a fat person exercise when all it does is hurt like hell? I'm getting old. No gray hairs, but damn, my joints hurt. From my knuckles to my shoulders, to each individual vertebrae in my back to my hips, my knees, my ankles...I'm in pain when I do any kind of exercise....even walking to the park and back (which is a block away).
It's an endless cycle...meds caused weight gain, weight gain makes me depressed even though meds are working, try to go off meds to lose weight, get depressed because meds were fixing the depression issues, go back on meds, gain weight back....then add in the more weight I have the more my joints hurt, so I need to lose weight to be able to lighten up on my joints, but to lose weight I need to exercise, and that hurts. AHHHHHH!
Like I said, I'm working on it. No pain, no gain, right? Wait, shouldn't that say, "No pain, no lose?" Anyway, I'm trying.
On another note, I wanted to point out something that I am sure everyone does. Have you ever seen an overweight lady who's clothes are too small and unflattering? And your immediate thought is "Ew, gross!" Right? Let me give you something to think about. Maybe that woman is on medications for bipolar, kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or seizures, or even birth control or steroids for breathing problems and other illnesses, that is causing her to gain weight. Maybe she can't really afford to get a whole new wardrobe because of the weight gain, so she's just trying to make the best of what she has in her closet. Maybe her bigger clothes that she did purchase when she gained weight are all in the laundry so she's wearing what's left. Maybe her child spilled something on the shirt she was wearing earlier that fit her better and she had to grab something else to wear. Maybe her house burned down and the only clothes she has are the things people donated to her. So now do you think, "Ew gross!"? Naw, she seems a little more acceptable, right?
The fact is you do not know everything about anyone, so judging them isn't really fair. And you all like me, right? Well, everything about that woman (except the house burning down) applies to me. So are you thinking, "Ew gross!" still? Just something to think about. :-)
...you can't cross your legs because your thighs run into each other.
...your boobs spill out of the top of every bra you own.
...your kids tell you that you're the best pillow.
...you wear your husband's clothes more than your own.
I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. But I have a damn good reason for it: freaking bipolar medications. About 2 years ago, I lost 50 pounds on my own! Then I started Seroquel and gained it all back over the next 6 months. My psychiatrist told me that Seroquel blocks the part of the brain that tells you that you are full. So that ravenous feeling I constantly had I can blame on the medication. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
But in all honesty, I love to eat. And the things that are so not good for you are my favorites. I love cheese and bread. I love sweets. I'm an ice cream addict. Fried foods are to die for! Mmmmm burger...... Ok, enough, I'm drooling now.
At the beginning of 2011, Luke and I changed our diets completely by replacing healthier foods for the not so healthy ones. We did pretty well for 2 or 3 weeks, but if we are being truthful with ourselves, the replacements really didn't taste like the real deal that we were constantly craving. We quit the replacements and tried to just eat what we like, just in moderation instead. That took about a week to go out the window. Sigh...I have such horrible will power!
I have this theory that since I maintain the weight I am at (200 lbs) with my normal diet and activity level, that if I change just one of them, I should see results. After all, the first time I lost 50 lbs, all I did was eat better, no exercise changes. We failed miserably at the whole eating thing, so I tried tackling the exercise thing.
I loathe exercise. I've never been one to like it. I mean, even back when I was thin and fit, I was athletic (could kick anyone's butt in a race) and energetic (or manic, one of the two), but I hated actually buckling down and doing anything that was considered exercise. In fact, I studied karate from 11 to 16 (yah, I even have my blackbelt!), and during classes we had to warm up with exercise type stuff (sit ups, push ups, etc). I lazily went through that, and then when we got to the real karate stuff, I was back in full force. Exercise is not fun to me. I don't get the people who are addicted to exercising.
In January, we bought a Wii. I was super excited because I could play games (which were fun) and still be exercising (or at least tricking myself into exercising without even knowing it). We got the Wii Fit bundle, the sports resort games, and Just Dance 2. For a good few weeks, I was doing pretty well. I would commit to at least 30 minutes a day playing the Wii to get myself up and moving (hey, it was better than nothing, which is what I was previously doing). I liked that I was competing against myself in many of the games. Having that drive to beat my last score (or crush anyone else's saved score) was motivating.
But soon I got bored.....and my knees hurt, my left foot was having issues, my back ached. I quit again. How does a fat person exercise when all it does is hurt like hell? I'm getting old. No gray hairs, but damn, my joints hurt. From my knuckles to my shoulders, to each individual vertebrae in my back to my hips, my knees, my ankles...I'm in pain when I do any kind of exercise....even walking to the park and back (which is a block away).
It's an endless cycle...meds caused weight gain, weight gain makes me depressed even though meds are working, try to go off meds to lose weight, get depressed because meds were fixing the depression issues, go back on meds, gain weight back....then add in the more weight I have the more my joints hurt, so I need to lose weight to be able to lighten up on my joints, but to lose weight I need to exercise, and that hurts. AHHHHHH!
Like I said, I'm working on it. No pain, no gain, right? Wait, shouldn't that say, "No pain, no lose?" Anyway, I'm trying.
On another note, I wanted to point out something that I am sure everyone does. Have you ever seen an overweight lady who's clothes are too small and unflattering? And your immediate thought is "Ew, gross!" Right? Let me give you something to think about. Maybe that woman is on medications for bipolar, kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or seizures, or even birth control or steroids for breathing problems and other illnesses, that is causing her to gain weight. Maybe she can't really afford to get a whole new wardrobe because of the weight gain, so she's just trying to make the best of what she has in her closet. Maybe her bigger clothes that she did purchase when she gained weight are all in the laundry so she's wearing what's left. Maybe her child spilled something on the shirt she was wearing earlier that fit her better and she had to grab something else to wear. Maybe her house burned down and the only clothes she has are the things people donated to her. So now do you think, "Ew gross!"? Naw, she seems a little more acceptable, right?
The fact is you do not know everything about anyone, so judging them isn't really fair. And you all like me, right? Well, everything about that woman (except the house burning down) applies to me. So are you thinking, "Ew gross!" still? Just something to think about. :-)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Whole Dress Thing Again
Alright, how about some levity? I've had 3 shitty weeks filled with pain, confusion, and heartbreak. Let's have a non-pity party...
Let's go back to the dress search thing. Where we last visited this tale, we had found the dress in the right color and one size too big (although we could definitely alter it to fit) and they were shipping it to us via Texas. The end, happily ever after.
Not so much....
The dress arrived with two calamities...1) The FedEx dummy left it on our front door step outside. We only use our back door, so we didn't know the dress was there for 2 or 3 days. We didn't even think to look at the front door because all the UPS and FedEx delivery people always use our backdoor for the multitude of packages we get of Tyson's medical supplies. Luckily, for this particular delivering butthead, it did not rain the 3 days it was on the front steps. 2) It was the wrong color!!!! I'm not kidding you! We tracked this dress down across the country...size 18 (one size too big) and the color lapis...style number...oh I can't remember. And they send us the wrong freaking color!!!! I'm pretty sure the bridesmaid dress gods are trying to kill me.
My mom called the store to have a strongly worded conversation with them as I was in the hospital with Tyson. After my mom told them of their mishap, they decided to go look for the correct dress. And guess what? It was gone! Because we had already paid for the dress, they owed it to me whether they lost it or not, bastards. They scoured the dressing rooms and found MY dress that I already bought that they were letting some other fat chick (yes, she has to be fat since I am) try on. Should we have demanded some money back? Oh, too much trouble and we have already been through so much already. Mom boxed up the wrong dress and sent it back. They promised to send the right dress as soon as they got the wrong dress in their hands.
We waited patiently for the dress to arrive. This time we checked both the front and back door porches to make sure no one left it there to be ruined by rain...or bird poop which is more like my luck. It finally arrived last week while I was at the hospital with Tyson. It sat safe and sound in my office until I was able to get home and make sure it was the right one.
I went home on Friday night to an empty house and was excited to finally have my dress in my hands. Well, I was slightly nervous too because I kept thinking since everything up to this point has gone wrong, the odds were, if there was anything at all that could go wrong again, it would. I saw the box in my office and was kind of taken aback at how jacked up it was. It looked like a truck drove over it, the driver got out and stomped on it, then got back in his truck and drove over it again, then dragged it behind the truck for a few hours, then let the neighborhood kids use it as a bike ramp... You get my drift? This box held a one-of-a-kind $160 dress that I went through hell to find, and the box was falling apart. I was thinking about homicide.
Reminding myself that my husband is a police officer, I put the homicidal thoughts to the side and opened the box. I opened it like Charlie opened the Wonka Bar looking for the golden ticket. Was it the right color? Drum roll please.....LAPIS! Woot! The right color got to us! Now to try it on.
Since I had the house to myself (my hubs was working, Ty was in the hospital with Gramma watching him, Annie was at her bio dad's, and the boys were at Gram's house), I dropped my clothes in the middle of the living room and pulled the dress on. When trying dresses on previously, I felt like meat being stuffed into a sausage casing...When pulling this dress over my body, I felt like a midget in a circus tent. How on Earth can one dress size bigger be so different from a dress that fit perfectly? I hope the seamstress can fix that...
After finally feeling like a skinny girl trying on dresses, I took off the dress and put the bag over it bringing it to the closet to put away until we go see the seamstress next weekend. While doing this, I thought, "Hm, I wonder if the color is just like Annie's dress like the swatch was." Sigh...not perfect. Close, but not perfect. Not sure if it will work. But dammit, I'm not getting another dress. Annie will have to! So there!
So dress in hands. Now to get it fitted...and maybe to find Annie a new dress.
Let's go back to the dress search thing. Where we last visited this tale, we had found the dress in the right color and one size too big (although we could definitely alter it to fit) and they were shipping it to us via Texas. The end, happily ever after.
Not so much....
The dress arrived with two calamities...1) The FedEx dummy left it on our front door step outside. We only use our back door, so we didn't know the dress was there for 2 or 3 days. We didn't even think to look at the front door because all the UPS and FedEx delivery people always use our backdoor for the multitude of packages we get of Tyson's medical supplies. Luckily, for this particular delivering butthead, it did not rain the 3 days it was on the front steps. 2) It was the wrong color!!!! I'm not kidding you! We tracked this dress down across the country...size 18 (one size too big) and the color lapis...style number...oh I can't remember. And they send us the wrong freaking color!!!! I'm pretty sure the bridesmaid dress gods are trying to kill me.
My mom called the store to have a strongly worded conversation with them as I was in the hospital with Tyson. After my mom told them of their mishap, they decided to go look for the correct dress. And guess what? It was gone! Because we had already paid for the dress, they owed it to me whether they lost it or not, bastards. They scoured the dressing rooms and found MY dress that I already bought that they were letting some other fat chick (yes, she has to be fat since I am) try on. Should we have demanded some money back? Oh, too much trouble and we have already been through so much already. Mom boxed up the wrong dress and sent it back. They promised to send the right dress as soon as they got the wrong dress in their hands.
We waited patiently for the dress to arrive. This time we checked both the front and back door porches to make sure no one left it there to be ruined by rain...or bird poop which is more like my luck. It finally arrived last week while I was at the hospital with Tyson. It sat safe and sound in my office until I was able to get home and make sure it was the right one.
I went home on Friday night to an empty house and was excited to finally have my dress in my hands. Well, I was slightly nervous too because I kept thinking since everything up to this point has gone wrong, the odds were, if there was anything at all that could go wrong again, it would. I saw the box in my office and was kind of taken aback at how jacked up it was. It looked like a truck drove over it, the driver got out and stomped on it, then got back in his truck and drove over it again, then dragged it behind the truck for a few hours, then let the neighborhood kids use it as a bike ramp... You get my drift? This box held a one-of-a-kind $160 dress that I went through hell to find, and the box was falling apart. I was thinking about homicide.
Reminding myself that my husband is a police officer, I put the homicidal thoughts to the side and opened the box. I opened it like Charlie opened the Wonka Bar looking for the golden ticket. Was it the right color? Drum roll please.....LAPIS! Woot! The right color got to us! Now to try it on.
Since I had the house to myself (my hubs was working, Ty was in the hospital with Gramma watching him, Annie was at her bio dad's, and the boys were at Gram's house), I dropped my clothes in the middle of the living room and pulled the dress on. When trying dresses on previously, I felt like meat being stuffed into a sausage casing...When pulling this dress over my body, I felt like a midget in a circus tent. How on Earth can one dress size bigger be so different from a dress that fit perfectly? I hope the seamstress can fix that...
After finally feeling like a skinny girl trying on dresses, I took off the dress and put the bag over it bringing it to the closet to put away until we go see the seamstress next weekend. While doing this, I thought, "Hm, I wonder if the color is just like Annie's dress like the swatch was." Sigh...not perfect. Close, but not perfect. Not sure if it will work. But dammit, I'm not getting another dress. Annie will have to! So there!
So dress in hands. Now to get it fitted...and maybe to find Annie a new dress.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Bridesmaids should wear jammie pants and tank tops!
That's it! I'm starting a new trend! Bridesmaids from now on will where pajama pants and tank tops...maybe even big fluffy bunny slippers. That way all the attention will be put on the bride...the beautiful glowing bride who spent hundreds to thousands of dollars on her gown, hair, make-up, flowers, etc. Why should a bridesmaid get a schnazzed up? It's the bride's day. All the attention should be on her.
Ok ok, truth be told, I want to dress up and be all fancy. I want to have my hair done, use my contacts instead of my glasses, get fake nails, have someone else do my make-up, and wear a pretty pretty princess gown. It's just such a freaking horrific chore for fat girls to find dresses!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, my mom, my friend Angie, and I went to a bridesmaids dress store in Fowler called Becker's. Before I go on, I should mention that we all think Becker's is trying to take over that itty bitty town as there's Becker's Bridal, Becker's Formal, Becker's Mens, and Becker's Furniture. We were actually quite disappointed that there was no Becker's Bar and Grill. After all, every woman needs a good stiff drink after trying on bridesmaid dresses.
Angie and I are the same build...probably about the same weight. My boobs are a lil bit bigger, but that's only because she had a reduction (lucky!). Both of us fit right in between a 16 and an 18. We also have very similar personalities. So although I knew the whole dress thing was gonna suck, I knew I would be laughing through the whole thing.
We start picking through the dresses and realize that every single one is size 10. "Sample size", as the ladies there called it. I call it "Make-you-feel-like-meat-stuffed-in-sausage-casing size". Yes, that is more suiting. Regardless, we wanted to try to find something...or maybe we just wanted a good laugh. So we pulled a bunch of dresses. Me with 16, Ang with like 4 (maybe). What Angie didn't know is that mom and I are pros at this now. I can get in and out of a dress in 6 seconds flat. Well...I can if it doesn't put my boobs in jail that is.
I've decided that if I ever want to dress just one of my boobs, I will purchase a size 10. Or one of my thighs...Or if I feel like trying to suck in my hips (I've tried it, bones are stubborn buggers). After just 45 minutes of trying on dresses we both gave up. However, we laughed a whole bunch. Angie and my mom stood outside of the dressing room saying they were going to record my grunts and curses while the dresses got caught on my boobs or my back sweat (you try to get in and out of a dress 6 sizes too small and do it without sweating), wouldn't fit over my hips, made my tummy look like I was 6 months pregnant...and while I made at least two zippers bust.
We walked out with one of the sales women (wearing less than a size 6, mind you) following after us saying, "Did you find everything ok?" "Well, ma'am, I couldn't find anything that fit my big toe, so *shrug* can't tell what they would look like on me if they were in my size." Her reply, "The companies only send us 10 for the samples." My retort, "Tell those companies to send you 10 and 20, that way skinny minnies can try on dresses, and us big girls, which there are more of, will be able to as well. You'll probably sell more!" Ta ta!
Off to lunch and some chit chat among friends. I love Angie. I wish I saw her more often. When she got up to visit the ladies' room, mom said, "She's just like you!" This is so true. She really made me feel so much better about dress shopping. In fact, as mom and I went on to Lansing, and Angie returned home to be with her kids while her hubby went to a doctor's appointment, I lamented that she should be with me. She would keep me grounded. She would make it fun. She would make me feel less crappy about myself. Alas, it wasn't so...onward to more self-esteem crushing!
Mom and I went to Lett's in Lansing next. We pulled about 10 dresses amongst the two of us, and anything I couldn't pull up over my hips or down over my boobs got immediately tossed. I'm pretty sure we got through those dresses in 10 minutes. I actually found one I really liked. It was quite similar to the one I liked at David's Bridal the last time we went shopping. It had thick enough straps that I could wear a normal bra and feel like my boobs were secure. It hid my spare tire and love handles. I felt pretty.
We took the dress out to this young sales chick (I can't even call her a woman!) and asked to how long it would take to order. She looked it up and it would be in by the end of June. So I asked for her to take my measurements to see what size I would need. If I wanted to go with that dress, then my mom, who works in Lansing, which is over an hour drive and about $38566 in gas to get there, would be able to come in and order it after we shopped around at other stores. "We only measure if you are ordering." And the little, young, sassy snot said it so smugly. I wanted to punch her in the face. Instead, we walked out without another word. I don't have time, patience, or the money to return to the store again to order.
I decided then that the one from David's Bridal was, in fact, the one, so we went off to the DB in Okemos to check it out again and see what size I would need. We easily found the one in both 16 and 18, of course they were in the wrong color, but that's ok, just trying it on for the size. I put the 16 on first, and remarkably, it fit me PERFECTLY! How about that for a confidence booster??? We grabbed the "consultant" (really, she was just my lacky-bitch, so why give her a cool title like that?) and told her to go figure out how long it would take to get in. Now, when we were at DB two weeks ago they said 8 weeks. When the lacky came back and said, "August", I almost shanked her. My sister's wedding is on July 31. I finally found the one dress that makes me feel pretty and confident and you are telling me it's going to take 4 months to get it??!! This right after she says to us that the color we are wanting to get is a popular color and they make a lot of them so it shouldn't take more than 8 weeks at the most.
I felt hopeless. First, I can't find anything that looks good on me, then I get told that the one that I actually like isn't possible. My mom thought systematically constructing logistical ways to get it. Where as I fell apart. I just felt like giving up, and I seriously thought about telling my sister just to ask one of her skinny friends to be in her wedding and I would just be the most awesomest photographer in the world for her. I tried to complain, I tried to whine. Mom put her foot down and said, "I will get it!"
To take my mind of off it, we went to Hobby Lobby. I love crocheting and have been trying to figure out how to make bunny ears on a hat stand upright, so I needed to find something to use for that. But upon walking into the store, I was smacked in the face with a plethora of affordable photography props! I was drooling, I think. Mom wandered off to look for something as I walked up and down the aisles picking out things I wanted to put newborn babies in! Success! On a day of craptastic unsuccessful shopping, I found something to be successful about! I walked out of that store with a large terra cotta pot, a little vintage looking treasure chest, the stuff I needed to make the ears stick up and a large foam board to use as a light reflector for studio use...and it was only $18!!!! I'll be visiting that store again!
Alright, so, I'm feeling a little better and my sister calls. She called a DB to ask if there is a way at all for us to get the dress. They looked on the database to find what stores have F14050 in size 16 in the color of Lapis on the rack. ONE dress in this nationwide franchise is available on the rack only in Colorado. I felt a little better. They could pull the dress and ship it to me. Then they popped my bubble....turns out the dress was not on the rack at all. I seriously wanted to tell the lady to go raid all the dresses the potential bridesmaids there were trying on. Search, Woman! Search! You have no idea what this dress means to me!!!!
What's next? Well, maybe we could find it one size bigger and then have it taken in. We had them look in the database again, and there were TWO! And guess what? It's going to be in my hands on Wednesday! THE dress, THE color...just one size too big, but we can work with that.
Are you cheering yet? Through all this torture and pain, I finally found one. And I WILL feel beautiful on my sister's wedding day. I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is!
Ok ok, truth be told, I want to dress up and be all fancy. I want to have my hair done, use my contacts instead of my glasses, get fake nails, have someone else do my make-up, and wear a pretty pretty princess gown. It's just such a freaking horrific chore for fat girls to find dresses!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, my mom, my friend Angie, and I went to a bridesmaids dress store in Fowler called Becker's. Before I go on, I should mention that we all think Becker's is trying to take over that itty bitty town as there's Becker's Bridal, Becker's Formal, Becker's Mens, and Becker's Furniture. We were actually quite disappointed that there was no Becker's Bar and Grill. After all, every woman needs a good stiff drink after trying on bridesmaid dresses.
Angie and I are the same build...probably about the same weight. My boobs are a lil bit bigger, but that's only because she had a reduction (lucky!). Both of us fit right in between a 16 and an 18. We also have very similar personalities. So although I knew the whole dress thing was gonna suck, I knew I would be laughing through the whole thing.
We start picking through the dresses and realize that every single one is size 10. "Sample size", as the ladies there called it. I call it "Make-you-feel-like-meat-stuffed-in-sausage-casing size". Yes, that is more suiting. Regardless, we wanted to try to find something...or maybe we just wanted a good laugh. So we pulled a bunch of dresses. Me with 16, Ang with like 4 (maybe). What Angie didn't know is that mom and I are pros at this now. I can get in and out of a dress in 6 seconds flat. Well...I can if it doesn't put my boobs in jail that is.
I've decided that if I ever want to dress just one of my boobs, I will purchase a size 10. Or one of my thighs...Or if I feel like trying to suck in my hips (I've tried it, bones are stubborn buggers). After just 45 minutes of trying on dresses we both gave up. However, we laughed a whole bunch. Angie and my mom stood outside of the dressing room saying they were going to record my grunts and curses while the dresses got caught on my boobs or my back sweat (you try to get in and out of a dress 6 sizes too small and do it without sweating), wouldn't fit over my hips, made my tummy look like I was 6 months pregnant...and while I made at least two zippers bust.
We walked out with one of the sales women (wearing less than a size 6, mind you) following after us saying, "Did you find everything ok?" "Well, ma'am, I couldn't find anything that fit my big toe, so *shrug* can't tell what they would look like on me if they were in my size." Her reply, "The companies only send us 10 for the samples." My retort, "Tell those companies to send you 10 and 20, that way skinny minnies can try on dresses, and us big girls, which there are more of, will be able to as well. You'll probably sell more!" Ta ta!
Off to lunch and some chit chat among friends. I love Angie. I wish I saw her more often. When she got up to visit the ladies' room, mom said, "She's just like you!" This is so true. She really made me feel so much better about dress shopping. In fact, as mom and I went on to Lansing, and Angie returned home to be with her kids while her hubby went to a doctor's appointment, I lamented that she should be with me. She would keep me grounded. She would make it fun. She would make me feel less crappy about myself. Alas, it wasn't so...onward to more self-esteem crushing!
Mom and I went to Lett's in Lansing next. We pulled about 10 dresses amongst the two of us, and anything I couldn't pull up over my hips or down over my boobs got immediately tossed. I'm pretty sure we got through those dresses in 10 minutes. I actually found one I really liked. It was quite similar to the one I liked at David's Bridal the last time we went shopping. It had thick enough straps that I could wear a normal bra and feel like my boobs were secure. It hid my spare tire and love handles. I felt pretty.
We took the dress out to this young sales chick (I can't even call her a woman!) and asked to how long it would take to order. She looked it up and it would be in by the end of June. So I asked for her to take my measurements to see what size I would need. If I wanted to go with that dress, then my mom, who works in Lansing, which is over an hour drive and about $38566 in gas to get there, would be able to come in and order it after we shopped around at other stores. "We only measure if you are ordering." And the little, young, sassy snot said it so smugly. I wanted to punch her in the face. Instead, we walked out without another word. I don't have time, patience, or the money to return to the store again to order.
I decided then that the one from David's Bridal was, in fact, the one, so we went off to the DB in Okemos to check it out again and see what size I would need. We easily found the one in both 16 and 18, of course they were in the wrong color, but that's ok, just trying it on for the size. I put the 16 on first, and remarkably, it fit me PERFECTLY! How about that for a confidence booster??? We grabbed the "consultant" (really, she was just my lacky-bitch, so why give her a cool title like that?) and told her to go figure out how long it would take to get in. Now, when we were at DB two weeks ago they said 8 weeks. When the lacky came back and said, "August", I almost shanked her. My sister's wedding is on July 31. I finally found the one dress that makes me feel pretty and confident and you are telling me it's going to take 4 months to get it??!! This right after she says to us that the color we are wanting to get is a popular color and they make a lot of them so it shouldn't take more than 8 weeks at the most.
I felt hopeless. First, I can't find anything that looks good on me, then I get told that the one that I actually like isn't possible. My mom thought systematically constructing logistical ways to get it. Where as I fell apart. I just felt like giving up, and I seriously thought about telling my sister just to ask one of her skinny friends to be in her wedding and I would just be the most awesomest photographer in the world for her. I tried to complain, I tried to whine. Mom put her foot down and said, "I will get it!"
To take my mind of off it, we went to Hobby Lobby. I love crocheting and have been trying to figure out how to make bunny ears on a hat stand upright, so I needed to find something to use for that. But upon walking into the store, I was smacked in the face with a plethora of affordable photography props! I was drooling, I think. Mom wandered off to look for something as I walked up and down the aisles picking out things I wanted to put newborn babies in! Success! On a day of craptastic unsuccessful shopping, I found something to be successful about! I walked out of that store with a large terra cotta pot, a little vintage looking treasure chest, the stuff I needed to make the ears stick up and a large foam board to use as a light reflector for studio use...and it was only $18!!!! I'll be visiting that store again!
Alright, so, I'm feeling a little better and my sister calls. She called a DB to ask if there is a way at all for us to get the dress. They looked on the database to find what stores have F14050 in size 16 in the color of Lapis on the rack. ONE dress in this nationwide franchise is available on the rack only in Colorado. I felt a little better. They could pull the dress and ship it to me. Then they popped my bubble....turns out the dress was not on the rack at all. I seriously wanted to tell the lady to go raid all the dresses the potential bridesmaids there were trying on. Search, Woman! Search! You have no idea what this dress means to me!!!!
What's next? Well, maybe we could find it one size bigger and then have it taken in. We had them look in the database again, and there were TWO! And guess what? It's going to be in my hands on Wednesday! THE dress, THE color...just one size too big, but we can work with that.
 |
| Feel free to hate this mini-sized model. I do! |
Are you cheering yet? Through all this torture and pain, I finally found one. And I WILL feel beautiful on my sister's wedding day. I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
How to Lose Your Self-Esteem in 10 Seconds...
I felt like shit earlier this week. Very down, first depression cycle in a loooooong time! So why oh why did I think it was a good time to go try on bridesmaid dresses for my sister's wedding this summer? Seriously the stinkiest brain fart I EVER had!
All you men reading this (if their are any) will never get it, but trying on dresses to wear for a day when you are up on a platform in front of at least a hundred people is nothing like playing dress up. It's not fun in the slightest. Nope, not at all. It's pure stress!
Remember back in the day when all the bridesmaids wore the same dress in the same color? How in the world did they do that??? First of all, no two women have the same body type and no two women look good in the same color. Finding a dress that looks good on just two different women in the same color is baffling to me, let alone your whole bridal party. Luckily, we do live in the age where it's a trend to have the maids wear the same color but a dress that suits each individual figure. And even more luckilier (I made a new word!), I'm the only maid (or rather matron) in this wedding. So I have carte blanche...
Should be easy then, huh? Not so much.
Let's take into consideration that I will be wearing dark purple. Love the color, but not really a color I look good in or wear often. But I can pull it off this time. Just need a little more tanning to make sure it doesn't overpower my paleness. Actually, to be quite honest, I couldn't even tell you what color looks "good" on me. So never mind....
Then, let's remember that I am not the 125 pounds I was 10 years ago. Not even close....4 kids later (including a twin pregnancy) + several trips through psychiatric medication to find the right one (which almost all inevitably cause weight gain to some extent) = 200 pounds. Did I just say that out loud? Yes, I am 200 pounds and 5'5". To me, I look short and round in every dress I put on. I say "to me" because almost everyone else doesn't see what I see...and absolutely no one else feels what I feel when I see what I see. I see my flaws--the weird shoulder lines, the creases in my neck from the "neck fat" (that's a technical term, you know), the "side boob" fat (where the boob and armpit meet, that flub that is there), and of course, my tummy that looks like I'm 7 months pregnant (In fact, I mentioned that one dress looked good as a maternity dress and a woman in the dressing area said, "You look beautiful pregnant." Thanks, Bitch!).
Mom and I pulled about 15 dresses. I tried on 14 of them...because one was utterly ugly and I have no idea why my mother pulled it! Oh, and my sister lives in Chicago, so although I would love to do this with both mom and Stef, not really possible. The dresses ranged in short to long...spaghetti strap, strapless, one strap, halter, y-neck...chiffon, taffeta, organza, cotton sateen...ruched, pocketed, ruffled, draped, brooched, layered........I specifically said that I just wanted to try everything so that I could figure out what looked good on me (if anything) and what did not (most of it)...and more importantly, which ones made me feel comfortable and confident.
Now, let's pick all of these styles apart. Ooh and I got pictures! Not of me, of course, but of extremely thin women who look good in any dress at all:
Length.....No preference really. But tea-length (pictured) is absolutely hideous on me. I feel like it makes me look shorter and some what stubby. Does that make sense? Well, that's the word I feel anyway.
Straps:
Spaghetti straps....They cut into my shoulders and they push down the extra cushioning I have there making me look funky. Also, I have huge boobs (also a result of the pregnancies) so spaghetti straps just don't cut it. Definite no-go.
Strapless....Did I mention the boobs? Nope, not gonna go there.
One Strap...This didn't look too terribly bad but I felt naked on the bare shoulder. I can't give one shoulder cover and not the other. It's just not fair!
Halter...Halters tend to make me hunch forward because it pulls behind my neck. Also, my shoulders felt naked. Poor shoulders.
Y-Neck...Have you seen these? They are beautiful for anyone with slender shoulders. I love it! Unfortunately my boobs are huge which makes my chest broader...and I have shoulder fat (also a technical term). It just didn't look right on me.
Conclusion: We need a tank top kinda strap with at least a one inch width.
Material:
My sister's wedding is at a vineyard in California in the middle of the summer. It's going to be HOT! Well, the ceremony is outside so that will be hot. But the reception is in the winery which is obviously kept cool. So how do I pick a material that will work for both? Chiffon is a very soft, flowy fabric and is what we have been looking at the most. But I really haven't ruled out any fabrics. Some of the heavier fabrics lay better on my belly giving me a somewhat slimming effect. Again, it's what I feel comfortable in and what allows me to feel confident. But I can say that I've tried on dresses that make me hot (and sweaty) just getting into them. So I usually rule those out.
Style:
What does "ruched" mean? It's where they bunch the fabric up. It's supposed to give a slimming effect. I don't believe who ever said that was ever more than 110 pounds. Just sayin'....
The flowy layered look was good at hiding some bulges. This is a definitely possibility...(In fact, this dress is in the top two. Unfortunately, it has no straps, so we are trying to figure out if we can somehow have a seamstress help make some kind of straps....Ew that just sounds like too much work!)
One other one I liked was the cotton pocked skirt. It just felt like it hid the tummy quite well. Unfortunately, couldn't find this skirt with a top that would fit me right.
Now that we've picked them apart, did I find anything? If I had my way, I would take pieces of several dresses and make the perfect one. But I don't have a fashion designer at my fingertips....or vast amounts of money to hire one. Sooooo, we shall settle. No, wait, that's a bad way of putting it. I'm not going to "settle". I'm going to pick the one that I feel best in. So far, here's the one:
Perfect staps/boob area. Thicker skirt than I wanted because I didn't want to get too hot, but I think I can manage. And I like where the waist lies (above my pregnant looking tummy, so it hides it well). Oh and this is the color too. Not bad...
I'm not done looking though. Yes, this epic journey in search of the perfect dress makes me feel like shit about myself, but I'm going to do this for my sister. And for myself. I deserve to feel pretty even when I feel fat. Right? Right!
PS After leaving the store and feeling utterly miserable about my body, I had the bright idea to go look for a new bra. Now, if you have size 40 D or bigger boobs you will know and understand that finding a cute bra is absolutely impossible. Most bras don't come in our sizes...only the biggest ugliest ones do. And to make matters worse they actually truly have sizes like 32 D. I'm going to smack the next chick that buys a 32 D! (And trip anyone under a size 10!)
All you men reading this (if their are any) will never get it, but trying on dresses to wear for a day when you are up on a platform in front of at least a hundred people is nothing like playing dress up. It's not fun in the slightest. Nope, not at all. It's pure stress!
Remember back in the day when all the bridesmaids wore the same dress in the same color? How in the world did they do that??? First of all, no two women have the same body type and no two women look good in the same color. Finding a dress that looks good on just two different women in the same color is baffling to me, let alone your whole bridal party. Luckily, we do live in the age where it's a trend to have the maids wear the same color but a dress that suits each individual figure. And even more luckilier (I made a new word!), I'm the only maid (or rather matron) in this wedding. So I have carte blanche...
Should be easy then, huh? Not so much.
Let's take into consideration that I will be wearing dark purple. Love the color, but not really a color I look good in or wear often. But I can pull it off this time. Just need a little more tanning to make sure it doesn't overpower my paleness. Actually, to be quite honest, I couldn't even tell you what color looks "good" on me. So never mind....
Then, let's remember that I am not the 125 pounds I was 10 years ago. Not even close....4 kids later (including a twin pregnancy) + several trips through psychiatric medication to find the right one (which almost all inevitably cause weight gain to some extent) = 200 pounds. Did I just say that out loud? Yes, I am 200 pounds and 5'5". To me, I look short and round in every dress I put on. I say "to me" because almost everyone else doesn't see what I see...and absolutely no one else feels what I feel when I see what I see. I see my flaws--the weird shoulder lines, the creases in my neck from the "neck fat" (that's a technical term, you know), the "side boob" fat (where the boob and armpit meet, that flub that is there), and of course, my tummy that looks like I'm 7 months pregnant (In fact, I mentioned that one dress looked good as a maternity dress and a woman in the dressing area said, "You look beautiful pregnant." Thanks, Bitch!).
Mom and I pulled about 15 dresses. I tried on 14 of them...because one was utterly ugly and I have no idea why my mother pulled it! Oh, and my sister lives in Chicago, so although I would love to do this with both mom and Stef, not really possible. The dresses ranged in short to long...spaghetti strap, strapless, one strap, halter, y-neck...chiffon, taffeta, organza, cotton sateen...ruched, pocketed, ruffled, draped, brooched, layered........I specifically said that I just wanted to try everything so that I could figure out what looked good on me (if anything) and what did not (most of it)...and more importantly, which ones made me feel comfortable and confident.
Now, let's pick all of these styles apart. Ooh and I got pictures! Not of me, of course, but of extremely thin women who look good in any dress at all:
Length.....No preference really. But tea-length (pictured) is absolutely hideous on me. I feel like it makes me look shorter and some what stubby. Does that make sense? Well, that's the word I feel anyway.
Straps:
Spaghetti straps....They cut into my shoulders and they push down the extra cushioning I have there making me look funky. Also, I have huge boobs (also a result of the pregnancies) so spaghetti straps just don't cut it. Definite no-go.
Strapless....Did I mention the boobs? Nope, not gonna go there.
One Strap...This didn't look too terribly bad but I felt naked on the bare shoulder. I can't give one shoulder cover and not the other. It's just not fair!
Halter...Halters tend to make me hunch forward because it pulls behind my neck. Also, my shoulders felt naked. Poor shoulders.
Y-Neck...Have you seen these? They are beautiful for anyone with slender shoulders. I love it! Unfortunately my boobs are huge which makes my chest broader...and I have shoulder fat (also a technical term). It just didn't look right on me.
Conclusion: We need a tank top kinda strap with at least a one inch width.
Material:
My sister's wedding is at a vineyard in California in the middle of the summer. It's going to be HOT! Well, the ceremony is outside so that will be hot. But the reception is in the winery which is obviously kept cool. So how do I pick a material that will work for both? Chiffon is a very soft, flowy fabric and is what we have been looking at the most. But I really haven't ruled out any fabrics. Some of the heavier fabrics lay better on my belly giving me a somewhat slimming effect. Again, it's what I feel comfortable in and what allows me to feel confident. But I can say that I've tried on dresses that make me hot (and sweaty) just getting into them. So I usually rule those out.
Style:
What does "ruched" mean? It's where they bunch the fabric up. It's supposed to give a slimming effect. I don't believe who ever said that was ever more than 110 pounds. Just sayin'....
The flowy layered look was good at hiding some bulges. This is a definitely possibility...(In fact, this dress is in the top two. Unfortunately, it has no straps, so we are trying to figure out if we can somehow have a seamstress help make some kind of straps....Ew that just sounds like too much work!)
One other one I liked was the cotton pocked skirt. It just felt like it hid the tummy quite well. Unfortunately, couldn't find this skirt with a top that would fit me right.
Now that we've picked them apart, did I find anything? If I had my way, I would take pieces of several dresses and make the perfect one. But I don't have a fashion designer at my fingertips....or vast amounts of money to hire one. Sooooo, we shall settle. No, wait, that's a bad way of putting it. I'm not going to "settle". I'm going to pick the one that I feel best in. So far, here's the one:
Perfect staps/boob area. Thicker skirt than I wanted because I didn't want to get too hot, but I think I can manage. And I like where the waist lies (above my pregnant looking tummy, so it hides it well). Oh and this is the color too. Not bad...
I'm not done looking though. Yes, this epic journey in search of the perfect dress makes me feel like shit about myself, but I'm going to do this for my sister. And for myself. I deserve to feel pretty even when I feel fat. Right? Right!
PS After leaving the store and feeling utterly miserable about my body, I had the bright idea to go look for a new bra. Now, if you have size 40 D or bigger boobs you will know and understand that finding a cute bra is absolutely impossible. Most bras don't come in our sizes...only the biggest ugliest ones do. And to make matters worse they actually truly have sizes like 32 D. I'm going to smack the next chick that buys a 32 D! (And trip anyone under a size 10!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)